That American Girl
by Kat-of-the-Streets
Summary: What if Violet had gotten her will and Robert did not propose to Cora and they both married someone else instead? (Main characters Robert and Cora, secondary characters Robert's parents, Rosamund and three year old Mary)
1. Chapter 1

AN: As always I am posting the first two chapters in one go to give you an idea of the story. It is a lot less angsty then it seems at the beginning, so don't worry.

Let me know what you think!

Kat

* * *

Chapter 1

_Violet _

"Your wife is a horrible person."

"I know."

"She hates me."

"I know."

"She disrespects your father."

"I know."

"She cheats on you."

"I know."

"She is the reason Mary won't talk to anyone besides you."

"I know."

"You hate her."

"You made me marry her."

"I know."

Violet looks at her son and sees the defeat in his eyes. Never in her life has she regretted anything nearly as much as making him marry Lady Philippa, second daughter of the Earl Withersom. But that woman had an incredibly large dowry and she was from the English aristocracy. Violet thought Lady Philippa would be perfect for her son. How wrong she was. Her son's life is miserable and her granddaughter's life is miserable too. The girl is three years old and her father is the only person in the world who has ever heard her speak. Because little Mary only ever speaks to her father and only if there is no one else in the room. The girl is horribly afraid of her mother who only yells at her and calls her retarded.

"Robert, I'm sorry. For all of it. I shouldn't have made you marry that woman."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"I should have let you pursue that American girl. Clara Wilkinson."

"Cora Levinson, Mama."

"What happened to her?"

"She married the Duke of Suffolk, which of course means that she is now a Dowager Duchess."

"Oh, didn't she have a boy seven months after her husband's death?"

"Yes."

"We will meet her again then."

"Where?"

"Here. Your wife invited her here for that house party. She explicitly asked her to bring her son. We both know why she did that."

"That boy can't be older than three months and Mary is three years old. She can't be matchmaking now."

"Robert, I am telling you, she is. That little boy is a duke. I wouldn't put anything past Philippa."

"Neither would I."

"Robert, I" But he cuts her off. "Don't. Just don't" he says and leaves the room.

She has ruined her son's life. He is so unhappy in his marriage. She wishes she could turn back time. If that American girl had been good enough for a duke, she would have been good enough for her son.

"Mama." Violet hates that voice. "Don't call me that", she says to her daughter-in-law.

"Why ever not?" She hates her.

"Because I have caught you in bed with three different men over the course of the last three years. Not one of them was my son. You have no right to call me anything but Lady Grantham." Her daughter-in-law completely ignores this statement.

"I need your help with some arrangements for the house party. The Dowager Duchess of Suffolk has made the oddest request. She wants her son to stay in a room next to hers. I wonder why that is."

"Maybe she loves her child." Violet has to leave the room or she will kill that horrible woman.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Robert_

Robert needs to clear his head. Cora coming to Downton. He had thought about inviting her here before his mother told him to marry Philippa. He dearly wishes he hadn't listened to her. He didn't love Cora either but he is sure that he would have gotten along with her much better and that she would have been a better mother. Although being a better mother than Philippa isn't that difficult. Because she is a horrible mother. She is a horrible wife too, but at least he is an adult and can somehow deal with it. But Mary is only three years old and has known nothing but ill-treatment at her mother's hands. She only ever speaks to him. He wishes she would at least say something in front of her mother; maybe that woman would stop to call their daughter stupid and retarded then. Because that is the opposite of what Mary is. She is a bright and curious child and asks the most surprising questions when he takes her on his walks with him. He has made a habit of taking her for a walk at least once a day because he wants her to have something she likes every day. And he enjoys taking her; she is the only thing that keeps him together at all. If it wasn't for Mary, he'd probably just leave Downton never to return. But he can't do it to his little girl.

"Papa?" He is surprised to see his little girl in the library. She must have hidden here and waited for him. He will have to think of a cover story.

"Yes, my darling girl?"

"Who is the Duke of Suffer?"

"Suffolk, Mary. He is still a very small boy. Why do you ask?"

"Because she said I should be kind to him." Mary only ever refers to her mother as 'she' and Robert can't blame his daughter for it. He puts her on his lap and she immediately cuddles up to him. He never thought that he would have such a close relationship to any of his children before he became a father. He always imagined himself to see his children for an hour after tea, just like his parents did, but the moment he held Mary in his arms for the first time he knew it wouldn't be possible for him. By that time his wife had already told him that she was highly disappointed in Mary for being 'just a girl' and although he tried to tell her that that was unacceptable and that it certainly wasn't Mary's fault that she was a girl, his wife didn't care. And then he went into the nursery and the child was put into his arms and he could feel his world change around him. He knew he'd be the only real parent his daughter would ever have and he promised her to love her and to take care of her. Ever since that moment she has been the center of his world.

"Well, the Duke of Suffolk will be a guest at this house. He'll arrive later today. And you should be kind to all our guests."

"She said I would have to marry him. Maybe she thinks I will leave then. You don't want me to leave, Papa, do you?" Mary's eyes are full of fear and his heart breaks for her as it has done so many times.

"No, of course I don't want you to leave. And you don't have to marry the Duke. Mary, you are three years old. It will be many years before I'll walk you down the aisle. And you'll marry for love. I won't let anyone talk you into marrying for any other reason." He isn't sure how much of this Mary has understood, but given her intelligence it was probably a lot.

"Do you love her?" She sometimes asks questions he doesn't know how to answer. He can't tell his daughter that he doesn't love her mother. So instead he says "I love you. And I should take you back to the nursery." His daughter's face falls at this. "The guests will arrive in half an hour. And I have to get ready. But I'll read to you tonight. I promise." Mary's face lights up again and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

When the guests arrived he is more nervous than usual. He feels uncomfortable having Cora Levinson who is of course now the Dowager Duchess of Suffolk in his home. If he is honest with himself, he is scared of it. He hopes that she will turn out to be a lot less nice than he thought almost six years ago, but the moment she stands in front of him and he greets her he knows that this hope has come to nothing. One look at her tells him, tells everyone, that she must be very nice. She has a soft smile on her lips that make all the men in her vicinity stand up a little straighter, something she doesn't seem to be aware of.

"Robert!"

"Yes?" He tries not to wince, but he isn't sure he is successful. Philippa's voice is so shrill.

"You have to sit next to the Dowager Duchess tonight. And be nice to her. I want her to have a good impression of us. And don't you dare mention Mary's inability to speak." He wants to slap her across the face but of course he doesn't because he isn't a violent man.

"Mary can speak. She speaks to me every day."

"So you say." He is not sure whether his wife believes him but he doesn't think it makes a difference.

"I'll see you downstairs Philippa." He knows he has dismissed her unceremoniously but what is he supposed to do with a wife who cheats on him at least once a week and hates their daughter?

Before he goes down to dinner he goes into the nursery to read Mary her story. He'll be a little late but he doesn't care. He promised Mary he would read to her and he won't break a promise he made to Mary. "I love you Papa", he hears her mumble when he leaves the room. He turns around and walks back to her. "I love you too, my darling girl", he says and gives her another kiss on the forehead.

He arrives at the moment the butler announces that dinner is ready. His wife hisses "Where were you?" at him but he doesn't reply. "You have to apologize to the Duchess." He knows this without his wife telling him so.

Once they have sat down he turns to the Duchess.

"I am sorry for being so late." She smiles at him.

"You've made it just in time." He had forgotten all about her accent. He wants to hear it again.

"I promised my daughter to read a story to her before coming down here. It took a little longer than I thought it would." He has no idea why he tells her this but she smiles at him again.

"Well, you can't break a promise you've made to your daughter. What's her name?" He briefly wonders whether the Duchess is so interested because her plans match those of his wife but somehow he doesn't think so.

"Mary. She is three. She is a lovely child."

"I am sure she is."

"She is rather bright too. She sometimes asks the most outrageous questions. Yesterday she asked me whether there were buildings so tall they would touch the sky." The Duchess laughs at this. It is a carefree, friendly laugh.

"There are, you know. In New York."

"That's what I said to Mary. Now she wants to go there."

"Well it is a very nice city. And very smart of your daughter to want to see it. I will take Sam there one day of course. But it will be a few years."

"Sam?" He has no idea whom she is talking about.

"My son."

"I've always thought of your son as 'the Duke'. It never occurred to me that he has a name."

"You are not the first person to tell me that." Her eyes sparkle in the candlelight. "His name is William Samuel. But I call him Sam. I was hesitant to call him Samuel William. He is a duke after all." He smiles at her again and she smiles back. Her smile is so beautiful it makes a shiver run down his spine. He wishes his mother hadn't interfered. He wishes it more than ever.

When the men and women separate he hears Cora make her excuses because she wants to check on her son. He wishes his wife was only a tenth as concerned about Mary as Cora is about her son. The Duchess he tells himself because he mustn't call her Cora anymore. However much he might want to.


	3. Chapter 3

_Cora_

She leaves when the men and women separate because she wants to check on her son. While she walks through the Abbey she thinks about how beautiful this house is. She doesn't feel comfortable being here. Before her father interfered, she had thought that Downton Abbey might be her home one day because Lord Downton had pursued her and she liked him. She still likes him and she enjoyed talking to him at dinner, although she wonders why he married the woman he is married to because after having spent only half an hour in her company she already knows that Lady Downton is a horrible person and Cora can't fathom what Robert might find it her. She thinks it is probably nothing and she doesn't hold it against him. She didn't particularly like her husband either and only married him because her parents wanted her to do so. And because by the time the Duke proposed the news of Lord Downton's engagement had already been made public.

Now she is all on her own. When they told her that her husband had been part of a carriage race and died in an accident that involved four carriages and sixteen horses, it wasn't his death that made her sad, but the fact that her unborn child would never meet his or her father. She had been pregnant for only two months by the time her husband died and seriously considered going back to America to raiser her child. But her father had written to her that she could only do so if she had a daughter because a son would be the Duke to Suffolk from the moment of his birth. Her father was of course right and when they placed her son in her arms she knew she'd have to stay in England indefinitely. Had the child not been a boy, the dukedom would have lapsed, because there are no other male relatives. She kept her husband's old estate agent to manage the estate for her and her son because she has no idea how to do that. Neither does she have any idea on how to raise a duke. That is why she came to this house party. She hoped to find friends here, people who might be willing to help her. So far all she has found out is that Lady Downton wants her daughter to marry Sam. She thinks that this is a ridiculous notion, considering how young these children are.

When she opens the door of her son's makeshift nursery she almost laughs out loud. There is a young girl in a nightshirt standing on a chair peering down into the crib. The nanny is nowhere to be seen, but Cora has told the nanny to sleep in the room next door because she usually cares for her son herself at night. Should Sam want anything he'd scream loud enough for half the house to hear anyway. So this little girl has not been spotted yet and she is sure that it is the daughter of Lord and Lady Downton.

"Lady Mary", she says. When the girl turns around, she looks so afraid that Cora can't help but be kind to her. "You've come to meet the Duke then." The girl nods timidly. "It is very nice of you to welcome him. But I am afraid he is asleep. And I don't think you should be standing on that chair. It's a little dangerous." She walks towards the girl and lifts her off the chair. The girl looks flabbergasted. "How about this? When Sam is awake tomorrow morning I'll let you know and you can meet him properly then." The girl nods and smiles. "We have a date then", she says and smiles back at Mary who now looks as if she was stealing herself to do something. Mary takes a deep breath and then says "You talk funny." It is not the first time Cora has heard this, but it is the first time that someone says it without wanting to hurt her.

"It's because I am from America."

"Does everybody talk like you there?"

"Yes."

"Then maybe in America people think that I talk funny." She can't believe the girl is only three years old. She seems so much older.

"I think so."

"I want to go to New York."

"I am from New York. If you want me to, I'll tell you about it tomorrow. But I think that now we'll have to get you back to your nanny."

"I want my Papa." Now the girl seems like a three year old.

"Would you like me to get your parents?"

"No. Just my Papa, please."

"All right. But you have to come with me." She holds her hand out to the girl and Mary takes it. Cora has no idea how to manage to get Lord Downton without alarming Lady Downton but she has the feeling that it is import to the girl. When she hears the patter of Mary's feet she looks down and sees that the girl is wearing neither socks nor any kind of shoes. "Mary," she says and forgets all about the title. "You can't walk over this stone floor without any shoes on." So she picks her up and carries her into the entrance hall. She sees a servant in the hall and she is quite sure that it is the under butler. "What is that man's name, Mary?" she asks. The girl looks at her as if she was scared to death but then says "Carson".

_Carson_

He turns around at the sound of his own name. He is sure that he has misheard because he has never heard that child's voice before, although he, like many others, has been hoping to hear it for a very long time. He sees the Dowager Duchess caring Lady Mary, who is only wearing her night clothes and no shoes. "Carson", the Dowager Duchess says, "would you be so kind as to hook Lord Downton out? Without anyone becoming suspicious?" She smiles at him with a soft smile and then smiles at Lady Mary. "Of course Your Grace", he says. Somehow the Duchess must have won that little girl's trust. He goes into the room and looks for Lord Downton who thankfully is not surrounded by family. "Excuse me my lord, but I think you should go into the entrance hall. She has spoken to the Duchess." "Who has spoken to her?" Lord Downton asks rather unhelpfully. He doesn't want to draw any attention to this. "Lady Mary", he whispers. "Thank you Carson."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thank you all for the many lovely reviews! And all the story alerst and favorites. I am glad you all like this story.

Have a nice day everyone,

Kat

* * *

_Robert_

He thinks that Carson might be playing a joke on him, although it would be a very cruel one and Carson isn't the type to joke. So he goes into the entrance hall and looks around. His daughter is sitting on the bench next to staircase and the Duchess is sitting next to her. "Is it true that the houses in New York touch the sky?" He is sure he is dreaming. His daughter can't be talking to the Duchess. But the Duchess answers her.

"Yes that is true. And when you are on top of one of the tallest buildings and you look down, everything on the ground is really small. The people look smaller than dolls."

"Really?"

"Yes. It is very nice."

"I want to go there."

"I am sure you would like to. And you should go there when you are older. You will like it."

He would like to keep on listening to his daughter talking to someone else beside him but he can't impose on the Duchess any longer.

"Mary, darling, it's time you went back to bed."

His daughter looks at him and says "Papa, I want to go to New York because the buildings touch the sky and everybody looks like dolls." He knows he should admonish Mary, should tell her that she isn't supposed to talk to a Duchess, is not supposed to 'want' anything. But he just can't. Mary has finally spoken to someone that is not him.

"We'll see", he says to her. "Let's get you to bed. I'll tuck you in."

"Can Cora come with us?" Now he has to tell her off.

"Mary, you can't just call a Duchess by her first name."

"I am afraid it is my fault, Lord Downton. I told her she could call me Cora."

"Then of course that is all right, Mary. But you still can't ask a Duchess to tuck you into bed."

"No, she can't. But she can ask a friend. And I am more than happy to come along." Cora smiles at him in a way that he is sure is supposed to say 'I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries'. He smiles back at her, because she hasn't. Currently she is the highest ranking aristocrat in the house besides her infant son, and she made his little girl speak. There is hardly anything that the Duchess could do wrong.

Mary keeps on chatting happily to them and when they reach the nursery he is glad that the nanny isn't there.

"Papa, will you go on a walk with me tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, of course."

"Can Cora and the Duke come with us please? Cora said I could meet him properly tomorrow." He just wants to ask what his daughter means by 'meet him properly' but he catches the Duchess' eye and she looks at him as if to say 'later'.

"If the Duchess would like to come with us, she is of course invited to do so." He wants to tell the Duchess that she doesn't have to come but that he would like it very much if she did.

"Then I'll come with you. Thank you for the invitation Mary." He watches her smooth Mary's hair down. "You should sleep now. Or you will be too tired to see the Duke tomorrow." She moves away from his daughter and he takes her place, giving Mary a kiss on the cheek and telling her 'Good night'.

He and the Duchess leave the nursery together.

"Thank you, Duchess. You've been very kind."

"Your daughter is a very engaging girl. I found her in Sam's room, standing on a chair, peering into the crib. She told me she came there to welcome the Duke. She must have slipped away from the nursery. She kept asking me questions about America. She is such a bright child, if I hadn't actually seen her, I'd never have believed that she was only three years old. My conversation with her was one of the best ones I've had here so far."

"You've made her talk." He has trouble keeping his composure.

"So she doesn't normally talk to strangers then."

"She has only ever talked to me before."

"So that's it. I had the feeling that something was off when I caught her in Sam's room. She looked so scared. But she hadn't really done anything wrong besides leaving the nursery, and she really only wanted to be kind. She was curious too, I suppose, but then all children are. So I told her that it was very kind of her to want to welcome the Duke and she started to speak then."

He can't hide his tears any longer and a sob escapes him. The Duchess turns to him.

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't," he says.

She puts her right hand on his left arm. "Robert", she says, falling back to a familiarity they had almost five years ago. "You don't have to apologize. You are worried about your little girl. And she has taken a big step today. She isn't doing well but she took a step towards getting better and it makes you so happy that you have to cry. There is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with that. You love your daughter more than anything in the world. I can see that."

"Yes, I do love her. But her mother doesn't. She is so horrible to her. She either ignores her or yells at her and it has been like that since the day that Mary was born. I don't know what to do. Mary doesn't understand it. Philippa isn't nice to me either, but I am an adult. Mary is a small child. It breaks my heart every time I see how she treats Mary." He has no idea why he tells Cora that. She is a Duchess, she ranks far above him, she shouldn't have to listen to his problems. But she doesn't seem to mind, she actually seems to understand.

"Robert, I am so sorry for Mary. And for you. If there is anything I can do, just let me know. Please."

"Thank you Cora. But I don't think you can help."

"Would you like to see Sam?"

"What?" He is taken aback by her question and for a second doesn't remember who Sam is.

"He should be awake by now. I have to go back to his room anyway. You could come with me. You can't go back into the drawing room right now, seeing how upset you are. So you might as well welcome the duke to your home." He knows he should say no.

"Yes. I'll come with you." So he follows the woman he once considered making his wife into her son's room.

"There you are little Sam", she coos and lifts the baby out of his crib. He has always thought Cora to be beautiful, but when he sees her holding her infant son it takes his breath away. She turns around to face him and she must have seen something in his eyes because she asks him if he would like to hold her son. He nods and she hands the boy over to her. He feels the sweet, warm weight of the baby on his shoulder and holds the boy with one arm. Cora looks into his eyes and as in one motion they move closer towards each other and he kisses her. And she kisses him back. He uses his free arm to pull her even closer to him. He has no idea for how long they have kissed but when they finally break apart all he can say is "God, Cora". She smiles at him and says "yes". They don't need to talk about this. He knows that they have both just had a glimpse of what their lives could have been like had their parents not interfered, had they stood up to their parents more vehemently.

She takes the baby out of his arm again. "I have to feed him. I'm surprised he hasn't started to cry yet."

"I'll leave you to it then."

"Thank you."

"Will you come back into the drawing room later?"

"Yes." She smiles at him. He wishes he could stay and watch her feed her son. He wishes he could stay and watch her feed their son.

When she enters the drawing room a while later, he wants to go to her. He wants to be with her. But she shakes her head at him almost imperceptibly. They cannot appear to be too close. At some point he tells her that he and Mary will leave for their walk at ten and that she and her son are welcome to join them. She smiles and nods. When she leaves to go to bed he wishes he could go with her and talk to her and fall asleep next to her.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Sorr for the double post, but I had some formatting issues I couldn't really get resolved. The lines in the middle of the chapter are only there to make it easier to understand what is happening/where there are breaks.

As always, thanks for the many lovely reviews (also on The Phonebook)

Kat

* * *

_Cora_

She feels rather nervous when she goes downstairs the next morning to meet Robert and his daughter for their walk. She supposes the walk won't be too long so she decided to just carry Sam instead of putting him into his pram because Sam likes to be carried around. Robert smiles at her when she explains that to him. "Let's go then", he says.

As soon as they are out of earshot of anyone else, Mary turns to her and asks

"Can I meet him then?"

"He is asleep again. But he will wake up soon. I'll tell you as soon as he opens his eyes."

"Thank you" Mary says to her and takes her father's hand. She listens to Robert talk about the estate and to Mary telling outrageous stories that all seem to involve her dolls and her father's dog. They are walking towards a pond and soon as Mary can see it she looks at the dog and says "Come on Knight, let's race."

"She is a wonderful girl, Robert. You are a very good father."

"Thank you. You are the only person besides me who has ever seen her like that. Who has ever seen the real Mary. To all others she appears like a fearful little girl who won't speak. But my parents at least believe that she can be the way she is right now."

"And your wife doesn't believe it."

"I don't think so. She cares too little to make the effort."

She feels so sorry for Robert. He is so unhappy in his marriage and that marriage is so hard on that sweet little girl.

"There is a bench over there. If you'd like to sit down?"

"Yes." They walk over to the bench and watch Mary play with the dog.

"Would you like me to take Sam for a while? I suppose we've been out for longer than you thought."

"Yes. Thank you." She watches Robert take her son from her, watches how his face transforms when looks at him. She knows that he is thinking what she is thinking. 'This is what it could have been like'.

"I think he is waking up," Robert says after a while.

"I'll get Mary then." She gets up and calls for Mary. The girl comes running to her and she has to catch her to stop her from toppling over.

"Mary, Sam is waking up."

"Great! Where is he?"

"With your father."

"Can I hold him too?"

"Of course you can. But we have to wipe your hands first. Not on your dress, Mary."

She can see Robert laugh at them.

"All right Mary, if you want to hold Sam, I think you should sit on my lap." She puts Mary on her lap and then nods to Robert who carefully places Sam in Mary's arms. Mary isn't strong enough to support him all by herself so Cora has to help her. Mary is fascinated. "Hello Sam", she says. "I am Mary and I am your best friend. I will teach you everything I know." She looks at Robert who smiles at her so lovingly that she wants to kiss him again. But she can't because Mary is there and even if she doesn't speak to others, it is still too dangerous.

* * *

_Violet_

"Would you like me to take Sam for a while? I suppose we've been out for longer than you thought."

"Yes. Thank you." Violet watches Robert take the Duchess' son from her. She can't see her son's face but she is sure that he is smiling at the little boy. Robert eventually turns to the Duchess and says "I think he is waking up."

"I'll get Mary then." The Duchess gets up and calls for Mary. The girl comes running to her and she has to catch the girl to stop her from toppling over.

"Mary, Sam is waking up."

"Great! Where is he?" She has never heard her granddaughter's voice before. It sounds like church bells ringing for Christmas day. It makes her heart beat faster with joy.

"With your father."

"Can I hold him too?"

"Of course you can. But we have to wipe your hands first. Not on your dress, Mary." Violet has to chuckle at this. The Duchess seems to be very good with children.

She can see Robert laugh at the Duchess and his daughter.

"All right Mary, if you want to hold Sam, I think you should sit on my lap." She watches as the Duchess puts Mary on her lap and then nods to Robert who carefully places Sam in Mary's arms. Mary isn't strong enough to support him all by herself so the Duchess has to help her.

She can't hear what Mary is saying now but she can see how her son looks at Cora and it makes her cry. This is the life her son could have had had she not interfered. A happy Mary who talks, another baby and a wife he is clearly in love with and who loves him too. But she took that away from him because she insisted on him marrying an English woman.

"Mary, what have you done to your hair? It is very untidy."

"I don't know Papa, I only played with Knight. I will be in trouble, won't I?" The way her granddaughter's lovely voice falls breaks her heart.

"No, you won't be. Why don't we hand Sam back to your father and I'll fix your hair?"

"Can you really do that?"

"Of course I can. Now, hold still."

Violet can't tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her. Robert holding the little baby and that American girl combing through Mary's hair with her fingers, repairing the damage that Mary's running around has done to it. They look like a perfect family.

"There you go Mary. As good as new." She can see Cora tickle Mary's sides and the girl begins to laugh. Violet has never heard her laugh before. It is a carefree laugh she didn't think Mary was capable of.

"Cora, we have to go home, or we'll be late for lunch."

"You are right. Sam will want to be fed too, soon."

"Would you like me to carry him?" She can hear the hope in her son's voice. He is fascinated by that little boy.

"That would be very nice. Thank you Robert."

She follows behind and hopes they won't see her. Mary is holding her father's free hand and one of Cora's hands and for what is possibly the thousandth time she wishes she had let Robert pursue that American girl.

* * *

"Violet? Violet?"

"What?" Her husband seems concerned.

"Didn't you hear me the first time?"

"I don't know, I was preoccupied."

"With what?" She isn't sure she should tell her husband about this. But he is the only one who could help.

"Robert. And that American girl."

"The Dowager Duchess of Suffolk you mean."

"Yes. Her. I followed them today. They took their children out together. Patrick, you should have seen them. They looked like a perfect family."

"That might be true, but there is nothing to be done about it. It's not worth the scandal."

"Patrick, I heard Mary talk."

"What?" Her husband drops the book he is holding.

"She talked to the Duchess. And she laughed. The Duchess tickled her and Mary laughed. It was the carefree laughter of a child."

"Violet, while it makes me very, very happy to hear that, there is nothing we can do."

"I'll ask the Duchess to stay a little longer. As my guest. There is nothing wrong about that. And Philippa will be in London anyway, doing God knows what. Maybe the Duchess can get Mary out of her shell some more. At least as long as that woman isn't here."

"But that is not the only thing on your mind."

"No. It is my fault that our dear boy is stuck in that horrible marriage. I saw today what he could have had if I hadn't told him that he couldn't marry that American girl. He could have been happy. So happy. He carried the baby home and Mary was walking between them, holding both their hands. You should have seen it Patrick. It made me cry."

"Violet, I agree that you have made a grievous mistake. And so did I. I should have put my foot down. I should have told you to leave it up to Robert. But I didn't. And I don't know why."

It costs her a lot to say it, but she forces herself to voice her thoughts. "He could get a divorce. She has been cheating on him for years. We know where she goes when she is in London. It is a miracle she hasn't presented Robert with a bastard yet."

"No Violet. The scandal would be too big."

"Patrick, Robert is suffering. And he could be so happy. There is a woman who would make him happy."

"Even if Robert got a divorce, who is to say that he would want to marry that American girl? Who is to say that she would want to marry him? Her child is the Duke of Suffolk. He should grow up on his own estate, not here. And Robert has to stay here. There is no way around it."

"Patrick."

"No Violet."


	6. Chapter 6

_Patrick_

The Duchess has accepted Violet's invitation gratefully. He watches his son and 'that American girl' as his wife likes to say very carefully over the next two weeks and he can't help but agree with Violet. Robert could have been happy, would have been happy if they had let him chose his wife himself. Robert and Cora would have been an ideal match. Robert is happy for the first time since his wedding. He laughs a lot more than usual and he seems twenty years younger. And Mary's change can hardly be put into words. She still doesn't talk to anyone besides Robert, the Duchess and the Duke, although admittedly the Duke can neither understand nor answer her, but she smiles a lot more, she is less fearful and less timid. He has heard his granddaughter laugh twice now, once while he was walking past the nursery and Robert was in there, reading a story about a frog who could speak to her, and once when both Robert and the Duchess had been in the library with both their children and that American girl seemed to have told a story about her falling out of an apple tree in her parents garden.

Just like his wife, he regrets not letting their son chose his wife himself more than anything else and he thinks that he is even more to blame. Violet was the one who told Robert that he couldn't marry an American, but he was the one Robert came to to beg to be allowed to propose to Cora. But he said no, arguing that as Robert didn't love her there was no reason why he should marry that American girl. He wishes he had watched his son more closely, wishes he had drawn the right conclusions from Robert's begging. Because there was only one reason why Robert would have begged and fought the way he did. Because he did love that American girl, the boy had just not realized it at that point. Robert had been so young when they had had to put the pressure of marrying enough money on him. Maybe this mess wouldn't have been created had he been three or four years older when he had been presented with the task of saving the estate. How could a 19 year old deal with something like that? But there had been no other choice. Had Robert not married a rich woman at the end of his first season, they would have had to sell the estate. But that American girl would have brought more than enough money with her.

He looks out of the window of the library and sees Robert and Cora sitting on a blanket on the lawn. They have their children with them, Cora has got Sam on her lap and Mary is running circles around them, either chasing Knight or being chased by Knight, that is not easy to make out. Maybe the girl doesn't know that herself. He agrees with his wife's description of them as a perfect family. Robert laughs at something Cora has said and he looks like the 23 year old he is. An adult, but still a very young one, not like some middle-aged man who has been burned with the weight of the world.

"Your lordship, there was a letter for you in the afternoon post."

"Thank you Carson."

He watches his under butler look out the window, staring at the scene in front of him.

"Lady Mary is doing much better now."

"Yes your Lordship. It makes us all very happy."

"Thank you Carson."

He opens his letter once Carson has left and smiles when he sees that it is from his good friend Richard.

_Patrick,_

_I hope you and your family are well and that your house party was a success. Maria and I are sorry that we weren't able to attend, but she did not want to leave her mother while she was so sick and I in turn did not want to leave Maria by herself at such a trying time. I know that Violet and you will understand. Although we both would have liked to finally meet the Dowager Duchess of Suffolk, because she seems to be admired everywhere she goes._

_It is very hard for me to tell you this, but your daughter-in-law has caused quite a scandal in London. She has let a man stay at your house for more than a week now and it is not a secret that that man does not sleep in the guest wing. Poor Robert, it must be hard for him to be cuckolded like that and he always was such a nice young man. _

_I thought you should know this. If there is anything that Maria or I can do for you, just let me know._

_Richard_

He isn't surprised by what his friend has written to him. There is nothing he would put past his daughter-in-law and embarrassing the family fits her pattern of causing mayhem for all of them. His eyes are drawn to the window again and he thinks that the only scandal that Cora would have ever caused for the family would have been that the future Earl of Grantham had fallen in love with an American. According to his friend the girl is admired everywhere, which doesn't surprise him. The American inside her allows her to be more open than others, but Patrick thinks that what it comes down to in the end is plainly that Cora is a very nice and intelligent young woman. The Duchess he tells himself.

It is Cora's last night at Downton and he has grudgingly agreed to Violet's suggestion to go upstairs rather early and to give Robert and the Duchess some time alone. 'They need to say goodbye' Violet had said and he knows that his wife is right. Her words considering the possibility that Robert get a divorce keep coming back to him and he wonders if he should tell Violet about what Philippa has done now. But Violet would in all likelihood argue for a divorce again and he doesn't want to fight with her tonight. But he just can't allow Robert to get a divorce, no matter how much his heart tells him to do just that. He even wonders if the scandal of a divorce, even with Robert getting married again soon after wouldn't be easier to deal with than the mess that Philippa has created now, but they can't be sure and they can't risk it. He will have to tell Philippa off when she is back but he isn't looking forward to it. His emotion towards his daughter-in-law can be summed up by two words. 'Hate' and 'shame'. 'Hate' because she is such a horrible person and 'shame' because he is ashamed of himself and of Violet for forcing their son into such a horrible marriage. He has to sleep in his wife's room that night because his conscious weighs on him so heavily that he can't face the night by himself.

* * *

Cora has been gone for a week now, Philippa has been back since the day that Cora left and the impact this has had on their home is almost impossible to describe. Robert is constantly in a bad mood, Mary has reverted to her old self and the servants seem more jumpy and scared than ever. He only noticed how uncomfortable Philippa must make them when she returned and the laughter of the servants that he had sometimes heard the weeks before died down the moment Philippa entered the house. Lady Downton has brought gloom with her to the Abbey.

It is late at night but he is still up because he is waiting for Violet. She spent the evening with a friend and ever since Cora's last night at Downton he hasn't been able to sleep alone. He has to chuckle at himself. He is the Earl of Grantham but afraid of his own thoughts. He hears the patter of little feet and looks up from his book. "Mary, what are you doing in the library so late at night?" he asks his granddaughter who looks scared for her life. He watches her take a deep breath and then she says "Grandpa?" He remembers Robert telling him that he had to cry when he heard her speak to Cora for the first time. Patrick thought that a little silly of his son, but now he is about to cry too.

"Yes Mary?"

"Can you make Cora come back? And make that woman go away? Please?" He knows what it must have cost the child to speak to him and how desperate she must be. So he puts her on his lap and asks

"Is 'that woman' your mother?"Mary only nods.

"And you don't want her here." Mary shakes her head.

"Why not?"

"She makes Papa unhappy. And Cora makes him happy. That's why I want her back." He feels so sorry for the little girl and is so taken aback by the fact that her father's happiness seems to be so important to her.

"Who would make you happy?"

Mary looks at him and he knows she is afraid to say it so he asks "Cora?" Mary nods and begins to cry. When he looks up he sees Violet standing in the doorway, looking as if she was about to cry too.

"Did you hear what she said?"

"All of it. Patrick, we have to do something."

"I know."

Because Mary hasn't stopped crying yet he decides to take her to Robert instead of returning her to the nursery.

* * *

AN: Does anyone know if Robert's father really was called Patrick? I have read that in many other stories, so I just went with it, but I couldn't find out whether this was true or whether this was actually started by a fanfiction writer and the idea caught on so much that it seems to have become the norm to call him 'Patrick'. It would surprise if that really was his name because it is a very Irish/Catholic name and Robert made such a point of there not having been a Catholic Crawley since the reformation. But then again, Robert's cousin was called Patrick as well.

Thank you for all your support!

Kat


	7. Chapter 7

_Robert_

He is startled when he hears a knock on the door and for a second is afraid that it might be his wife but when he opens the door he sees his father with a crying Mary on his arms and his mother standing right behind them. "What is it?" he asks them. The moment Mary hears his voice she turns in her grandfathers' arms and makes a motion that clearly indicates that she wants to be held by her father. So he takes her and one look at her tells her that she won't say another word tonight and that he can't leave her by herself. "Thank you", he says to his parents. They both nod. "Robert, we have to talk. This can't go on. We have to talk tomorrow."

"I know, Papa."

He spends the night trying to comfort Mary who just keeps on crying silently. She falls asleep a few times but always wakes up after half an hour again and he is sure that she must have nightmares because every time she wakes up again her crying fits become stronger. He has no idea what to do and desperately wishes that Cora was there because for some reason he is sure that she would be able to calm Mary down and get her to sleep.

_Violet_

She feels her husband take her hand when they walk towards her room. She has actually started to think of it as their room because Patrick has spent every night of the past week in it, something he has never done before. She knows he does it because he can't face his thoughts alone and she is glad that he has decided to sleep in her room for the time being. Had he not done that, she would have had to sleep in his room because she can't face her thoughts by herself either and his bed is much smaller and less comfortable than hers.

"Don't call for your maid, I'll help you and we need to talk," Patrick says to her and she nods. They have been married for almost thirty years and their marriage is a love match, so there is no reason for her to call her lady's maid, because while Patrick may have no clue how to dress her, he has rather a lot of practice in undressing her. But she knows that his reason for doing so tonight is not foreplay for them to do their duty, although it actually has never been a duty for either of them, but because they need uninterrupted time alone to talk.

She stands in front of her full length mirror and looks at her husband's reflection in the mirror. He is standing behind her, unhooking the uncountable number of buttons on her dress. She thinks they still look like a lovely couple, even if they aren't the youngest any more, but whenever Patrick is with her he has a loving look on his face and it occurs to her that Robert has the exact same look on his face when he looks at that American girl.

"Patrick, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, darling." He hardly ever calls her that.

"Don't you think that the scandal Philippa caused in London is reason enough to let Robert get a divorce?" Patrick now helps her to step out of her dress and begins to unhook her corset.

"Maybe," he says and he looks into her eyes in the mirror. She looks at their reflection again.

"Patrick, look at us. Don't you think that our son deserves that kind of happiness too?"

"He deserves it, yes. But I am not sure there is way for him to actually find it."

"If you told him to get a divorce, he would probably do it." Her husband has gotten her out of corset now and she does the rest of the undressing and redressing for the night herself while he takes of his own clothes and puts on his pajama. She sits down at the vanity and Patrick starts to undo her hair. She could do this herself, but she lets Patrick do it because he can actually see the pins that have kept her hair in place the whole evening.

"Violet, we are risking another huge scandal." She smiles at his words because she knows she has almost won him over to her side.

"But even if the papers had a field day with his divorce, and I am sure they would have, don't you think that people would understand Robert? Don't you think that getting a divorce is what people actually expect of him now?"

"Maybe. But even if he got divorced that doesn't mean that he will be able to marry that American girl as you like to call her."

"He loves her. That is obvious. He looks at her the way you look at me." Her husband smiles at her reflection now.

"Then that must be how he feels for her. But we don't know if she would accept him."

"I am almost sure she loves him too."

"That isn't unlikely, but it doesn't mean that she will accept him. She probably would if she didn't have that son, but the boy makes things a lot more complicated. Violet, the question it comes down is whether the Duchess would be willing to have her boy grow up on an estate that is not his own."

"She might not be willing to let him grow up on any other estate, but she might be willing to let him grow up here because the boy would have a father here."

"We have made the same observation then."

"Patrick, I think we should risk the scandal of the divorce. Life can only get better for Robert and Mary, even if Cora did not accept Robert. Although I think that she would accept him if he played his cards right and swept her of her feet."

"That is something he would need to do before proposing."

"So will you talk to him? Tell him to get a divorce?"

"Violet."

"Patrick." She gets up now, turns around and looks into his eyes directly, not in the reflection of the mirror. "Please. Make our son's life better." Patrick takes a deep breath, not unlike Mary did before she began to speak earlier on.

"Yes. I will talk to him. I'll tell him to get a divorce. If you tell him to sweep that American girl of her feet."

"I will do that."

"We have an agreement then."

It is now her who takes a deep breath. She is not good at talking about her feelings but she has to say it from time to time. "Thank you Patrick. I love you."

He looks at her and says "I love you too. And I still need to braid your hair."

So she sits down at her vanity again and watches her husband braid her hair.

"Robert should go to London with Mary and stay with Rosamund."

"I'll send her a telegram."

"That American girl is in London too."

"I'll ask Rosamund to invite her then."

"Do you really think she cares little enough about social rules to accept the invitation of a banker's wife?"

"I have no idea, but we'll find out if she cares about our son enough to accept the invitation of a banker's wife."

"Let's go to bed so that we'll be ready to face the world tomorrow." They go to bed and fall asleep holding hands.

_Robert_

"You haven't slept at all, have you?" his mother asks him.

"No. Mary cried all night. I couldn't get her to stop. She is still in my bed and I have to go back."

"No Robert, you need to talk to your father. I'll go upstairs and sit with her. I'll read to her if she lets me." He is surprised by his mother's suggestion but too thankful to question it. "Thank you, Mama." When his mother leaves she throws him a look full of pity. He turns to his father.

"Robert, Mary spoke to me last night. Only a few words and only because she was helpless. She is desperately unhappy. And so are you, don't deny it. And we have to do something about it."

"What can we do?"

"Here is what I think. Take Mary and go to London today. Stay with Rosamund and Maramduke. I'll tell Rosamund to invite Cora there as well. They don't know each other but who cares. Let Cora take care of Mary for a few days so that you can clear your head. And then file for a divorce."

"No Papa, I can't. The scandal"

"The scandal wouldn't be any worse than the scandal your wife has already caused by having her lover stay at our house with her. A divorce is what many people expect now and what I think most people would understand. There are reasons enough. You won't have to worry about getting custody of Mary, Philippa has behaved in a way that no judge in all of England would even consider giving Mary to her."

"A divorce is expensive. And all of Philippa's money"

"The money is ours. It became ours the moment that prenuptial was signed. Her behavior doesn't give her any right to get her money back. And you shouldn't feel bad for taking it. She has made all our lives miserable for the last four years."

"Mama will be livid."

"No, your mother will be very happy. This was her suggestion originally."

"Papa, I"

"Robert, go upstairs and pack. Tell the nanny to get Mary ready. Don't take the nanny with you right away, I am sure that Cora will bring Sam's nanny that should be enough. I'll send a telegram to Rosamund, she will expect you later today. I know that Cora is in London; your mother has got spies everywhere. I am sure that the Duchess will be at Rosamund's house later today as well."

He is shocked by what his father has asked him to do. But he is determined to follow his advice. He has thought about a divorce countless times but was sure that it wouldn't be possible, that his parents would never agree to it, that the scandal would just be too huge to bear.

When he opens the door to his room he sees his mother sitting in a chair and Mary asleep on his bed. "She fell asleep a few minutes ago. She is exhausted. Maybe you should carry her back to her bed."

"No, that would wake her. She can sleep here. I'll pack my things myself to let her sleep. Would you tell the nanny to pack a few things for Mary?"

"You've spoken to your father then."

"Yes."

"So will you do it?"

"File for a divorce?"

"Yes."

"I think so. Papa is right; we are a house of scandal anyway."

"Good. Stay in London as long as you like, Rosamund and Maramduke won't mind. We'll make Philippa leave as soon as you have filed for a divorce officially. Then you can think about whether you'd like to come back or stay in London for a while longer."

"Thank you Mama. For your support in this."

"It is my fault. I shouldn't have interfered. But I won't promise that I'll never do it again. Because there is a piece of advice I'd like to give to you. It is from both your father and me."

"Go ahead then."

"Sweep that American girl of her feet."

He has to chuckle. "I'll try my best."

"Good luck, my dear boy."


	8. Chapter 8

_Cora_

"Lady Rosamund Painswick."

She has no idea who this woman might be but she agrees to see her. The moment Lady Rosamund Painswick enters the room she knows who she is because she is almost the spitting image of Lady Grantham. This can only be Robert's sister.

"Duchess"

"Lady Rosamund"

These rituals are unnerving.

"I came here to invite you to spend a few days at my house."

"Thank you very much. That is very kind. But might I ask why?"

"My brother, Lord Downton, and his daughter Lady Mary are coming to stay. They'll arrive later in the afternoon." She can't stop herself from smiling.

"I'll take that as a yes Duchess. Bring your son and his nanny. I don't think that Robert is bringing Mary's nanny."

"He was sure I'd agree to this then."

"I think you know the answer as you didn't really ask a question." She has to laugh at this.

"Thank you Lady Rosamund. I will tell my maid to pack and we should be there tonight in time for dinner if that suits you."

"It suits me very well Duchess."

She is so jittery she can't sit still. She knows that Lord Downton is married but it appears that all members of his family are prepared to go out of their way to let him see her.

"The Duke of Suffolk and the Dowager Duchess of Suffolk."

She enters Lady Rosamund's sitting room and if Robert hadn't gotten up and taken Sam from her just in time she is sure to have dropped him because Mary hurtles into her with such force that she almost topples over.

"Mary," she says only half admonishingly because the little girl's unrestrained reaction makes her smile.

"I'm so glad you came" Mary says and begins to cry. She looks at Robert who only shrugs at her. So she picks Mary up and says "Oh dear. Of course I came. Why would I not? I was very happy when I heard that you were here and that your aunt was kind enough to invite me as well."

Mary has started to sob uncontrollably now and she doesn't really know what to do. She looks at Robert for help again but Robert doesn't see her. He looks at her son so tenderly that she briefly wonders if Sam really has to grow up without a father. But of course he has to, there is no way she could take Sam away from his estate. Unless, but she doesn't finish the thought because she is sure that thinking about something that will in all likelihood never happen is not helpful.

_Rosamund_

She needs to talk to her brother because what she has seen has given her a look at what his marriage could have been like had he not been so petty and listened to their mother.

The way Robert lifted the Duchess' son out of her arms at exactly the same moment that Mary toppled into her looked like something they have done a thousand times. She knows they haven't, they can't have and that says more about them than words. The look on Robert's face when he looked at the Duchess' son couldn't have been more lovingly if he had held his own son. And there was so much joy in the Duchess' eyes when Mary hurtled into her. She didn't mind the child's unstrained behavior; it actually seemed as if it made her smile.

But the thing that has touched Rosamund the most is that she has finally heard Mary speak. She thought her mother was lying when she wrote to her that Mary spoke to the Duchess, but the child even forgot that there were other people around.

Rosamund shakes herself out of her thoughts and looks at Robert and the Duchess. They are each holding a child and Robert listens to her say something about her relatives in America. Robert looks as if he found everything the Duchess said interesting. It is obvious that her little brother has fallen in love with that American girl. If only he had realized his feelings for her before their mother thought she had to intervene. Rosamund is sure that had Robert known how he felt about the Duchess he wouldn't have let their mother tell him who he should marry.

She knocks on his door.

"Enter"

"Hello Robert. How are you?" She needs to be friendly or he won't talk. And she wants to help.

"Fine. Why do you ask? What do you want?" Apparently 23 years of knowing her have made him able to see right through her.

"Oh brother dear. Why do you think I could want something?"

"You tried to be friendly."

"I didn't try. I was."

"Suit yourself." He says this teasingly and Rosamund knows he isn't really bothered by her.

"You are right. I do want something. I want to talk to you."

"About?"

"About that American girl."

"Tell me off for smiling too much at her then."

"Is that what you think you do? Smile at her too much?"

"No. I don't think I smile at her too much. She deserves every smile I can muster. She got Mary to speak to her."

"She also got you to turn back into my brother. You aren't that gloomy man who forgot how to laugh anymore. You are my little brother again. A brother I love very much and want to be happy."

"Thank you."

"Robert, what are your plans?"

"I don't know. Mama and Papa think I should file for a divorce. They both say that the scandal Philippa has caused is much worse than the scandal a divorce would cause."

"But you aren't sure about it."

"I have almost made my decision. I can't live with her any longer. She is horrible."

"You must hate Mama."

"No. I hate myself. For not having been strong enough to defy Mama. I am almost sure that I could have married Cora. I think she would have said yes. And we could just have presented Mama with the facts."

"Robert, you were 19. You were too young. And don't hate yourself. Please. You are a very good father."

"Thank you."

"You didn't know how you felt about Cora, did you? When Mama pushed you towards Philippa?"

"No, I didn't. I wish I had, I think I'd have been strong enough then. Strong enough to go against Mama's wishes."

"But you did love her back then?"

"Yes. I know that now. I think that I never stopped loving her. I just didn't recognize my feelings for what they were. I thought if you fell in love you'd realize it the moment it happened but that wasn't was happened for me with Cora. I liked her very much, I liked to spend time with her but I never had a moment in which I thought "oh God, I love her". But I enjoyed her company tremendously, I looked forward to meeting her, and whenever I read or saw something I thought she might like I had to think about how I would tell her and how she would react. And then I would tell her the next time I saw her, regardless of how trifling whatever I let me to think about her was."

"That, my dear brother, is love."

"I know that now. And I kept thinking about her even after my wedding. I just didn't realize it was her. Since before the wedding I've always had a vague image of a woman I loved in my mind. I tried to project that onto Philippa but that did not work at all. It was the image of a very kind woman, someone very nice, intelligent, and strong, someone who loves with all her heart. I always thought I had made that woman up, or that it was an idolized mixed up picture of several women I knew. But it wasn't. The first night that Cora was at Downton she took me to see her son. I know it was inappropriate, but I didn't care, I couldn't care at that moment. It was right after I had found out that Mary had spoken to her and we had brought her to her nursery together. I lost control of myself a little because I was so relieved that Mary had finally spoken to someone else, but she didn't mind, she understood and then she asked me to come along. And when I saw her lift Sam out of his crib, saw how she looked at him, saw how she looked at me when she turned around, things just fell into place. I kissed her, I just couldn't help it and then I realized that the woman in my head wasn't someone I had made up. It was her."

"You should tell her that."

"I don't know, Rosamund. I am not sure she feels the same. I've loved her for years, even if that revelation only came to me a few weeks ago. It would break my heart if I told her that and she didn't feel the same. I'd rather not know at all, I'd rather have that picture or maybe dream of her, of us, of what could have been had we both acted differently in my mind, then know that this dream actually never would have come true."

Never has anything her brother said to her touched her so deeply and never has she felt so sorry for him, not even when she saw him standing at the end of the aisle on his wedding day. Her father had told her the night before the wedding that Robert had begged him to be allowed to marry someone else a few months earlier but that he didn't give in to him because Robert had openly admitted to not loving this other woman either. Her father didn't tell her why he hadn't given in to Robert, only that this other woman was somehow unsuitable. Rosamund is sure now that that other woman was Cora and that what had been unsuitable about her was her nationality. She remembers seeing the unhappy look on her brother's face on his wedding day, the forced smiles he gave his wife. She remembers seeing him struggle to find something he liked about his wife for months after the wedding and she now knows what he was actually trying to do. He was, as he said, trying to project the picture of the woman in his head to Philippa. He tried to love her but it he was fighting a losing battle. She remembers him fighting with both their parents to let her marry Marmaduke a year after his own wedding, remembers the fervor in his voice and she now knows why he did it, why he fought so hard for her to be allowed to follow her heart. She remembers her father finally telling her that he would give her and Marmaduke his blessings, that he would bring her mother around. She asked him why and her father had said 'It was something that Robert said to me. He said that you didn't have the duty to marry the right person, that duty had been his and that he had already done it and that there was no reason for a loveless marriage for you too.' And remembering all this shatters her heart into a thousand pieces. She walks over to her brother and hugs him, something she hasn't done for at least 10 years, but he doesn't object.

"Robert, I know you don't like my advice. But I'll give it to you all the same. Get that divorce. Not because Mama and Papa are right about the measure of the scandal, but because I think it would be best for you and Mary. And then follow your heart. Don't let yourself be deterred. Don't let anyone interfere."

"Rosamund, even if I got a divorce, I don't think that Cora would marry me. And I am scared of her not wanting to marry me."

"You said you were almost sure she'd have said yes a few years ago. And I think that she feels for you what you feel for her. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her that you were coming. She is a Duchess; she should have been appalled by me coming to her house without an invitation. I am the wife of a banker. She shouldn't have agreed to coming to stay here. And she knows that. But she said yes right away."

"Even if what you say is true, I don't think she'd marry me. She is the mother of the Duke of Suffolk. Sam should grow up on his own estate. Not at Downton. And he would have to grow up at Downton if I were to marry his mother. Because I can't leave there. If I asked her, she'd say no."

"You don't know that Robert. How can you know the answer to a question you don't ask?"

"Rosamund, it is complicated."

"I know, Rob." This term of endearment she used when they were still children makes him smile. "But think about my words. I think you two would make each other very happy. I'll leave you to your thoughts now. Dinner is in an hour."


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I've noticed that there are sometimes problems with the updates of my stories. Although I update them, they don't "move up the line" of updated stories, if you know what I mean. For example I updated this story at 6am CET yesterday (Monday), and the new chapter was added to the story, but the story was displayed as having been updated the last time at 8 am CET the day before (Sunday). So if you haven't got a story alert for the story, you may not always see updates. I have had the same problem before. So, just FYI: Unless I am sick or I have overslept, I update my stories every day, so just look for it.

This of course also means that in case you checked whether this story was updated yesterday (Monday) and you thought it wasn't, you will get to read two new chapters today (this one and chapter 8).

As always, thank you so much for everything!

Kat

* * *

Chapter 9

_Robert_

Robert watches his sister leave his room. They have never been very good friends, although he did help her with making their parents see sense regarding Marmaduke and he is sure that Rosamund only has his best interest at heart in this matter.

'How can you know the answer to a question you don't ask?' His sister's words are replaying in his mind. How can he be sure that Cora would refuse him? They could be so happy, so very happy. Maybe that is more important to her than having her infant son at his own estate. But the boy won't always be an infant. He will grow up. He will have to take his seat in the House of Lords on the day of his coming of age. He will probably have to act according to his duties a lot earlier than that.

True to whom they are, Rosamund and Marmaduke don't care about a seating order at dinner and sit next to each other. Which means that he sits next to Cora, something that makes his heart beat faster. Cora smiles at him and he smiles back. "I am sorry for Mary running into you like that earlier."

"Don't be sorry about it. She is a child, she is supposed to be a little unrestrained. And I don't think that she usually is."

"No. She isn't."

"Then I am honored that she acts that way around me."

He wants to kiss her for that. Mary's mother would probably have sent the girl to bed without dinner for weeks had she run into her like that. But then Mary would never have done that.

Cora asks about his parents and some issues about the estate he told her about on one of their walks. He is surprised that she remembers such things, but then she is an extraordinary woman. He looks over to his sister and brother-in-law and they seem to be lost in their own world. They have no idea what is going on around them.

"They are very much in love, aren't they?" Cora asks.

"Yes. It is a love match. My mother had the fit of her life when Rosamund refused to take back the 'yes' she gave to Maramduke. Mama threatened to take Rosamund's dowry away. My sister told her in no uncertain terms that that didn't matter as Maramduke had enough money. Mama and Rosamund didn't talk for months. My mother only went to the wedding because my father forced her. And my father never forces my mother to do anything."

"So that is another love match then."

"Yes. But it was only possible because my parents fell in love with the right person. An ability they apparently did not pass on to their children. Although opposed to me, Rosamund had the courage to not get married without love."

"It takes a lot of courage as we both know pretty well."

"Yes." He decides to tell her. He has to know what she thinks.

"Cora, I am going to file for a divorce."

"I think that is a good idea. You can't make anything worse and it will be much better for you and Mary in the long run. If Mary doesn't have to be afraid of her mother anymore, she will probably turn into the child we know she could be."

"Robert, Cora, would you mind if we went upstairs? You can stay down here if you like." He is surprised by the fact that Rosamund calls the Duchess by her first name and raises his eyebrows at her.

"No, we don't mind. Thank you. Good night." Apparently Cora doesn't mind being called by her first name.

"Did you allow my sister to call you by your first name?"

"No, I didn't. But I don't mind. In fact, I like it much better than 'Duchess'. I don't feel like a Duchess. I might be the mother of a duke but I really have no idea what that means. The late Duke and I were married for a few years of course and I have an idea of what it means to be an aristocrat. But that's all. I really don't know how to raise a duke."

"You are a wonderful mother, Cora."

"Thank you. But that doesn't mean that I will do a good job at raising a duke. I can't give him any guidance in that."

"I'll help you if you want me to."

"Thank you Robert. I only came to that party at your house because I hoped to find friends. I don't have any friends here. I have acquaintances and there are quite a few men who have made it more than clear that they would like to marry me. But I have no friends. Or I had no friends. I think you are my friend, Robert, and maybe Rosamund can be my friend too. That would be nice."

"Yes, Cora we are friends. And I am sure that Rosamund would like to have you as a friend. You don't seem to be very fixated on social rules and restrictions. You and my sister have that in common. And now we should let the maids get in here. Let's go to the sitting room."

He leads her to the sitting room and because she seems a little tipsy he holds onto her tightly so that she won't stumble. He let's go of her very reluctantly when she sits down on the sofa.

"Would you like a drink too?" he asks her while he pours himself a glass of scotch.

"Just water. I think I drank a little too much wine."

"All right then." He turns around and looks at her. Her face is a little flushed and her eyes sparkle.

"Robert?"

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?"

"Yes. Sorry. I was just thinking."

"What about?"

He shouldn't tell her that, he knows better than that. But he does.

"I thought about the first time we met. About the dance we shared."

"Dances, you mean. You broke one of the most important rules of society by dancing more than just one dance with me."

"Yes. My mother scolded me for dancing with you so often."

"We haven't danced together in a long time."

"Come here", he says and holds his arms in a dancing position. She looks at him questioningly.

"Robert, there is no music."

"Come here Cora, dance with me." She finally gets up and moves into position too. He has to fight an impulse to kiss her, but he has to stop himself if he ever wants to have a chance with her. And he wants to have that chance, he decided that after Rosamund left his room. So he starts to hum a waltz and begins to dance. The surprised smile on Cora's face lets his doubts about the propriety of this melt away. Maybe it is because they are both a little drunk now, but they move closer to each other while he dances them across his sister's sitting room, so close that they let go of the dancing position and just put their arms around each other. They stop dancing and just sway on the spot, holding each other as close as possible. He stops humming because there is a question he needs to ask her.

"Cora?"

"Hm?" Her voice is muffled because her head is resting on his shoulder.

"Those men that make advances on you."

"What about them?"

"Will you marry one of them?"

She lifts her head of his shoulder now.

"No. How could I marry any one of them? My son is the Duke of Suffolk. He should grow up on his own estate. But if I got married to one of those men, Sam would have to grow up on a different estate."

"Does that mean that you think that you will never remarry?" His heart is beating so loudly now he is sure that she can hear it. She stops both of them swaying and looks into his eyes.

"Well, I certainly shouldn't get married again."

"But you want to?"

"I don't necessarily want to spend the rest of my life alone. But my first marriage was nothing short of a disaster. We didn't love each other, we didn't even like each other. We never talked. He had a mistress. I know that your wife is even worse than my husband was, but I think that will make you understand why I can't just marry again. Should I ever get married again, it will be out of the deepest love. And that love would have to be two-sided. He would have to love me as much as I love him. That would be the only option that would justify Sam not growing up on his own estate."

"So you want to be swept of your feet?"

"I need to be swept of my feet, Robert." She leans on him again and he tucks her head under his chin.

"I'll try my best", he whispers and he wonders if she has heard him because she holds onto him even tighter now.

* * *

_Cora_

"I'll try my best." He doesn't have to try anymore because he has already swept her off her feet. He did that for the first time years ago, when he danced more dances with her than was appropriate. When he wouldn't belittle her interest in the matters of the world but actually listened to what she had to say. When he so apparently took note of things he came across he thought and knew would interest her and told her about them, regardless of how trifling they were. It had broken her heart when she read about his engagement to another woman in the papers. She had hoped for him to propose to her and she would have said yes because she loved him and she knew it. She wishes to God she had told him. But she had been scared of him telling her that he didn't love her. And she never stopped loving him. She realized that when she saw him look at her and Sam, she realized then that Robert was still the love her life. That was why she let him kiss her and kissed him back. And now he has told her that he wants to do exactly what she needs him to do, that he wants to sweep her of her feet. The moment he said that he'd try his best he had already been successful a second time. She considers telling him that she loves him but she is afraid of what will happen if she does. He is still a married man and although he has more or less told her that he loves her too, she is still scared. So she keeps holding onto him, hoping that he understands her without words.

"Papa?" She sees Mary before Robert does because he has his back to the door and she can look over his shoulder. But he turns around at the sound of his daughter's voice and lets go of her immediately.

"Yes, Mary?"

"I can't sleep. And then I went to your room."

"And I wasn't there. I am sorry my girl. Why can't you sleep Mary?"

"I had a nightmare."

"What about?"

"I don't remember. But I am scared to go back to sleep."

He lifts his daughter into his arms.

"And what shall we do now?"

"I could sleep in your room?"

"Mary, I am still up and not ready to go to bed."

"But I don't want to be alone."

She walks over to them and takes a lose strand of hair out of Mary's face. "How about you stay up with your Papa and me for a little while and then we will bring you to Sam's room? There is another bed in there. We'll tuck you in." Mary's face breaks into a smile and Robert mouthes a silent 'thank you' at her.

"I will go, get Princess Lucy" Mary says, wriggles free of her father's arms and runs out of the room.

Robert laughs. "Her favorite doll. Thank you, Cora."

"You're welcome. Sam will want to be fed in 15 minutes anyway. I'll do that and then we can put her to bed. Sam might wake her up around six tomorrow but I suppose you prefer her coming into your room at six to having to go to bed now just so that she will get to sleep."

"You are right about that. But I can't stay up that much longer. I have to go see my lawyer tomorrow."

"Cora, this is Princess Lucy. But you can call her Lucy." Mary looks at her expectantly, so she shakes the dolls hand and says "Hello Lucy, nice to meet you." She knows it is very American but she has no idea what to say to a doll. But Mary seems to be satisfied.

"Papa, will we go to the park tomorrow morning? Please?"

"Mary, I'm sorry but I have business tomorrow. Probably all day long." The girl's face falls.

"Mary, how about you come with Sam and me?"

"Yes!" the girl almost shouts. "We'll take Princess Lucy and Knight and I'll show you all my favorite places." Again Cora marvels at the fact that Mary is only three years old. She doesn't sound or behave like three year old.

"It's time Sam got fed. I'll go upstairs. Why don't you follow in a short while? Mary, you could tell your father where you would like to take me tomorrow."

She dearly hopes that Mary will tell Robert that, because he will have to tell her. She is a little scared by her own suggestion. She had thought to take Mary on her walk but apparently now she is going on Mary's walk. With a dog that is almost as tall as the girl. And a baby. She will have to take the nanny.

Robert and Mary enter the room just as she puts Sam back into his crib.

The downside of her staying with other people is that it is almost impossible for her to feed Sam by herself. The nanny always has to help her with her clothes and though there is nothing to see, her clothes are not yet all in the right place again. Mary doesn't seem to notice but Robert obviously does. He looks at her longingly with deep desire in his eyes but he doesn't say anything. They put Mary to bed, say goodnight to Sam and leave the room.

"I am so sorry", they say that the same time. She wants to apologize for her state of undress and knows that he wants to apologize for coming upstairs too early but neither one of them gets the words out. When Robert's lips find her own she moans into the kiss and he pulls her close. She can feel his desire and she wants him too but she knows she has to pull away.

"Robert, no. We can't."

"I know", he says. "But I want to." He takes a deep breath. "I actually wanted to tell you that I told Mary to restrict herself to one or two places tomorrow, but maybe we should talk about this over breakfast."

"That would be better, I think."

"Good night."

"Good night."


	10. Chapter 10

_Robert_

He is exceptionally glad that Mary does not sleep in his room because he keeps dreaming of Cora. Although he supposes he'd have never seen Cora in that state of, well not really undress, but almost undress, had he allowed Mary to sleep in his room.

His rather vivid dreams about Cora bring home to him how much he wants to be divorced. He hates his wife, but now that he has had more glimpses of what life with Cora would be like, he just wants Philippa out of his life. And out of Mary's life. He is sure that he will get custody, he is sure that her mother won't even ask for it. She might ask for her money back, but the lawyer will tell him if she has any chance of getting it back and he is almost sure that she doesn't because his father tied the knot airtight.

When he enters the breakfast room next morning, Cora is already there and by herself. The way she smiles at him lets memories of his dreams cross his mind again and he hopes that she can't see it on his face, because he doesn't want her to know what he dreamed of last night and especially what he dreamed about them doing. So he just smiles back at her.

He tells her where Mary wants to go and she tells him that she will take the nanny along and that he shouldn't worry. Rosamund and Marmaduke still haven't come down to breakfast by the time he and Cora are finished.

"Please tell my sister and brother-in-law that I've gone to see the lawyer and that I won't be here for lunch."

"Robert, you are shaking. Are you so nervous?" He had hoped she wouldn't notice.

"A little."

"It'll go well. The papers are full of you being cuckolded by your wife. The lawyer will tell you that a divorce will not be a problem."

"Let's hope you are right."

"Good luck." She gives him a kiss on the cheek. He shouldn't let her do this; they are getting too close too soon. He is still married and it will take months before the divorce is through and then he couldn't marry Cora right away, even if she accepted him. They would have to wait or they would cause another scandal.

When he tells the lawyer that he wants a divorce, the lawyer smiles at him and tells him that he expected him to come with this. Cora was right, the divorce should go as smoothly as possible but it will take at least four months.

On his way to his sister's house, he decides to go to Downton the next day. He is sure his parents would only be too happy to break the news of the divorce to Philippa, but he knows that the decent thing to do is to tell her himself.

He finds his sister and brother-in-law in their sitting room and they both jump up as soon as he enters the room.

"So?" his sister asks and he almost replies "so what?" but they aren't children anymore and he knows that Rosamund is on his side.

"It went as well as possible. The divorce should not pose too many problems. But I will go to Downton tomorrow and tell Philippa myself. I know Mama and Papa would like to tell her but it is only decent if I inform her of it."

"Good. Will you come back here?"

"Yes. I'll return the day after tomorrow. It will be good for Mary to spend some time somewhere she doesn't associate with fear. Eventually I will have to go back to Downton, of course, but not right now and certainly not before Philippa has left for good."

"You are always welcome here, little brother."

"Thank you. Do you know where Cora is?"

"In her room."

"I need to talk to her too."

"Yes. Tell your future wife that you are going to talk to your soon-to-be-ex-wife."

"Rosamund, Cora is not my future wife. And don't say such things or the papers will be full of gossip about her too. And I really don't want that."

"Regardless, little brother, you can go to her room. There are never any servants on the second floor except for early in the morning. We enjoy our privacy and not just for doing what you think we are doing."

"I know Rosamund and I admire you for doing away with so many social conventions."

"Well, you've just done away with the social convention of staying married."

"True."

"Go, talk to her."

He knocks on her door and when she doesn't answer he knows she is asleep and that he shouldn't enter her room. But he does. There have already been so many things he shouldn't have done but did all the same. He is glad beyond words that he has opened the door because a wave of happiness floods through him when he sees Cora lying on the bed with Sam asleep on her chest and Mary sleeping next to her, holding the hand that is not holding Sam. He has never seen anything so beautiful. When he makes to close the door again, she stirs and asks "Robert?" So he walks into her room.

"I wanted to tell you about today, but we can talk later."

"No, that's all right. But would you take Sam of me so that I can sit up without waking him?"

"Yes." He takes the little boy of his mother and holds him without waking him. He absentmindedly places a feather light kiss on the boy's forehead.

"If you like you can hold him for a while. Just sit down in that chair over there. As long as you don't move around too much he won't wake." So he sits down holding the baby, letting him rest on his chest. He remembers Mary falling asleep like that countless times.

"So, how did it go?"

"You were right. With what you said. But it will take four months at least."

"It is not that long."

"I will go to Downton tomorrow. I have to tell her myself. It is the decent thing to do."

"Will you come back here?"

"Yes. I won't take Mary with me. I'll leave tomorrow and return the day after. I don't like leaving Mary behind, but it is only for two days."

"Rosamund has invited me to stay for a week. So I'll be here. I'll take care of Mary while you are gone."

"Where are you going, Papa?" Apparently Mary has woken up too.

He looks at Cora for guidance in this. "Robert, tell her."

He hasn't thought about how to tell Mary about the divorce. But maybe it is easier this way.

"Mary, you know that your mother and I don't get along very well."

"You don't like her."

"Mary,"

"She makes you unhappy. She makes you grumpy."

Cora looks at him imploringly, as if to say 'don't lie to her'. Mary has now climbed onto Cora's lap and the way Cora protectively holds her is what finally causes him to tell Mary the truth.

"Yes Mary. Your mother and I don't get along. And you are right. She makes me unhappy and grumpy."

"Papa, she makes me unhappy too," Mary whispers and hides her face on Cora's shoulder. He gets up, still holding Sam, sits on the bed next to Cora and strokes Mary's head with his free hand.

"Mary, it is all right to say that. That is how you feel. You know that I am married to you mother, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what being married means?"

"It means you have to live with someone else. Like Granny and Grandpa."

"Yes. But your mother and I won't be married for much longer. Then we won't have to live with her anymore."

"Can we live with Cora then? Please Cora? Will you live with us? And Sam too? You know how big our house is."

"No Mary, I can't. But I'll visit often. I promise." He knows that she has probably only said this to not get Mary's hopes up but his own hopes have just taken a serious blow. "And I think it is time for your father and I to get ready for dinner. So why don't we take you to the nursery?"

"Can I share a room with Sam again?"

"If you like."

Because Sam is still asleep, he carries him to the nursery and puts him back into his crib and Cora and he both say goodbye to Mary. As soon as they have closed the nursery door, Cora turns to him.

"Robert, I only said to Mary what I said because I didn't want to get her hopes up. Or to make her impatient. She would have expected me to move to Downton next Tuesday."

"So there is hope for me then?"

"Of course there is."

He wants to kiss her, he wants to go to her room with her and never leave, but he shouldn't and this time he has to listen to that nagging voice at the back of his mind, telling him that he has to tread carefully.

He catches her by herself after dinner.

"I am leaving on the train at 7 tomorrow morning, so I'll have to leave the house at 6. I suppose I won't see you then. So I'll say goodbye now."

"Goodbye Robert. And good luck."

"Will you take care of Mary, please?"

"Of course I will. Don't worry."

"Thank you. You are the only person in the world I can leave her with without feeling bad about it."

"I am honored by that."

"I should go to bed."

"And so should I."

"But you don't want to."

"And neither do you."

"No." He takes her hand and leads her outside, into the garden. He wonders if this was such a good idea when he realizes how cold it is and he feels her begin to shiver. But he wants to be alone with her and he can't go to her room with her and neither can she come to his, even if he is sure that Rosamund and Marmaduke wouldn't mind, let alone mention it to anyone. He is scared of himself, scared of the power Cora has over him, scared of what he thinks they'd not be unlikely to do if they were in a room with a bed. So he wraps his arms around her instead.

"I know it is cold, but I'll try to keep you warm."

"Thank you. I am not cold if you hold me this way."

"Good. I'll keep it in mind then, in case you ever get cold while I'm around." He feels her shaking with laughter.

"What?" he asks her.

"You are so sweet, Robert. And I might need you to warm me rather often."

"I am willing to help you with that."

"You are being very forward."

"So are you."

"I thought you wanted to sweep of my feet."

"So you did hear me then."

"Yes." She looks into his eyes now, almost expectantly.

"I'll be even more forward now," he says and kisses her. He can feel her smile against his lips and it makes him very happy. This is not a kiss given out of desire but out of love. It's that kind of kiss that happily married people give each other when they want to say 'I love you' without words. And that is exactly what he wants to say.

"That was a very bold move, Robert."

"I know. But I think you expected it."

"How do you make that out?"

"You didn't object."

"I suppose I didn't."

"And you smiled. I could feel it."

"You are making that up."

"No, it's true. You did smile, didn't you?"

She rolls her eyes at him teasingly. "Yes, I did."

"Good."

"Is it?"

"It's a good sign."

"If you think so."

"Yes I do."

Cora's tone is light and teasing but he knows there is more to it. So he pulls her close to him again and she leans her head on him.

"How do you feel about seeing your wife again?"

He wonders if he should answer this question. He hates talking about his feelings as it makes him very uncomfortable. His mother has told him all his life that he shouldn't talk about his feelings and he is sure it makes his life more difficult. That is why he keeps telling Mary that she is allowed to say what she feels. And he thinks he should talk about his feelings more, at least to Cora.

"I don't know. I certainly don't want to see her. But it will probably be the last time I'll have to talk to her alone. I hope she doesn't want to fight but if she fights I won't back down. I'm a little scared she'll ask for her money back and also that she might not agree to a divorce because it will mean the loss of her title. And that is very important to her. The title, I mean."

"Hm."

"What? Just spit it out, Cora, I know there is something you want to say."

"If she really fights, won't that make the process of the divorce more difficult?"

"It'll certainly make it more unpleasant. But there are grounds for a divorce; I will be divorced sooner or later. And I will be very happy once it has happened. I sometimes think that I fell asleep the day of my wedding and the nightmare started as soon as I had closed my eyes and that I still haven't woken up from it."

"It's that bad, is it?"

"Yes. I tried to love her, but I couldn't. And the harder I tried, the worse it got. I had hoped that it would get better when she was pregnant but it actually made it worse. It breaks my heart that Mary has to or rather had to grow up like that. My parents and especially my mother don't like to show their feelings, but we've always known they loved each other. And we've always known they loved us, even if my mother would never say it. But Mary doesn't have that. And I feel so guilty about that because I could have prevented it. I didn't want to marry Philippa. But I gave in to my parents and I still think I shouldn't have."

"Had you not done that, you wouldn't have Mary."

"In a way you are right, of course. And I can't imagine my life without her. So there is one good thing that came out of my marriage. That's what I've been telling myself for almost the past four years. Mary is what has kept me sane those past years. If it wasn't for her, I don't know what I'd have done."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'd have gone to America or something. Left it all behind."

"You couldn't have done that to your parents."

"I am not so sure Cora. There are times at which I am very mad at them for not allowing me to marry whom I wanted to marry."

She holds on tighter to him now and he knows there is a question she wants to know the answer to but is afraid to ask. He also knows what the question is and so he just says "Yes". She doesn't reply and remains quiet for many minutes until she says "I'd have said," but then she stops herself and begins to cry.

He wants to tell her that he loves her more than anything, that he wants to marry her as soon as his divorce is through, that he wants to take her to his home, that he wants to never let go of her, that he wants to spend every minute of his life with her, that he wants her to be the mother of his children, all of them, including both Mary and Sam, he wants to tell her all of this so much, but he can't because he is still a married man, so he just holds onto her and doesn't say anything.

"I think we should go back inside," he says to her eventually and she nods. So he takes her by the hand and leads her to the house, and through the door.


	11. Chapter 11

_Robert_

When the carriage stops in front of the Abbey, he is glad to be home but can't wait to leave again. Because as long as his wife is in there, this can't really be his home. His parents are there to welcome him and he supposes that Philippa is still bed. It is only 11 am after all and who knows what that dreadful woman was up to last night. His parents seem genuinely happy to have him back home; his mother even gives him a hug, something that startles him.

"Lord Downton, Lady Downton is ready to see you now."

"Thank you, Carson. Send her in please."

"Robert, what do you want? I haven't got any time to talk to you. I have to meet someone."

"Well, I'll be quick about this then. I have filed for a divorce." He never considered how his wife might react to this news but certainly not by almost running into him, hugging him and saying "Thank you so much."

He pushes her away from him. "Don't", he says.

"That was not appropriate, I know. But I am just so happy."

"Why?"

"Because you are not the only one who has suffered in this marriage. I am in love with someone else and your setting me free means that I can follow my heart."

"You don't have a heart."

"Yes I do."

"Then what about Mary? You don't love her. Don't tell me that you do because that would be an outright lie."

"I can't love her because she is yours. She stands for everything I hate."

"And that includes me."

"Of course it does. I didn't want this marriage any more than you did, Robert. I didn't want to marry a man I felt nothing for. I begged my father to not force me to say yes, but he did force me. He said that besides the Duke of Suffolk you were the catch of the season, even if you desperately needed money, and as I had no chance of catching the Duke, I would have to catch you. Our wedding was one of the worst days of my life. You should have seen the look on your face during ceremony. You looked as if you were walking into your grave. That did not endear you to me. I knew you cared for me as little as I cared for you."

"I tried to care for you, I tried to love you."

"Maybe. But you tried to find things in me that aren't part of me. You wanted me to be gentle and kind and warm, but that is not me. And the more you tried to find that in me, the less you were able to see me for what I am. I am a strong woman Robert, and I have my own will, two things that I think you could have appreciated, had you not tried so damn hard to find something else in me. I had hoped it would become better if I could present you with a son, but Mary turned out to be a girl and I knew that that was the end of this marriage."

"Our marriage ended a lot earlier than that and you know it. You told me not to come to you anymore right after telling me that you were pregnant. Actually the way you told me was what told me that regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn't love you. By that time I had already given up on finding things in you that weren't there, but I still tried to love you, for exactly the reasons you have just mentioned. But you just came into my room, announced you were pregnant, said that you hoped to God that it would be a boy and that I shouldn't bother you anymore. And then you left again. You didn't give me a chance to tell you that I was happy you were pregnant and that I didn't really mind whether we'd have a boy or a girl. And although I knew I couldn't love you, I still tried to tell you that it didn't really matter to me whether the baby was a boy or a girl so many times. But you always just brushed it off."

"Because I didn't believe you. You need a son. That and my money are the only reasons you married me. Not for us to have girls. And I was afraid the baby would be a girl. And I was right."

"And I love her all the same. It broke my heart when you told me that you were disappointed in Mary because she was a girl. I tried to tell you that there was no reason for that, both right away and a few weeks later when I hoped you had calmed down a little. But you just wouldn't listen to me."

"And why would I listen to your blubbering, gushing sentiments about your daughter?"

"Because my daughter is your daughter too. And she is a wonderful child. She is incredibly bright and curious, she is funny, she can brighten a whole room just by being inside it, even if she hardly ever shows it."

"You have just described your daughter to me, Robert. But you know what my daughter is? The result of a loveless marriage, the results of trying to conceive an heir, night after night in the least passionate way possible. And the moment they told me that I had a daughter, I knew that you would visit me again at night and that I'd have to go through it all again for countless nights on end. I know that you didn't want to do it, I knew you never wanted to sleep with me either, but that didn't make it better, in fact it made it worse. I was so disgusted, maybe not by you, but by the whole situation. And very glad that you had apparently decided that you didn't need an heir as much as everyone else thought you did."

"I never returned to your room because I knew you started to cheat on me a few weeks after Mary's birth. And I couldn't risk you being able to pass off a bastard as a child of mine. But you were honest with me, so I will be honest with you too. I was disgusted by that whole marital duty thing for lack of a better word just as much as you and you are right, I didn't want to do it, not at all. I had to force myself. At the beginning it was a little easier because I thought that it might be a way for us to become closer, at least a little, but it wasn't. So I know what you mean, I even understand that you hate me for doing what I had to do. Although you never said 'no'. Had you done that, I'd have left you in peace and you should know me well enough to know that."

"I do know that. And you never forced me to do anything, you never forced yourself upon me, I can give you that. You are not that kind of man." He is relieved by this, because for a moment he thought that Philippa did not know this and that would have made things so much worse, it would have meant that he had unwittingly done something unspeakable, something he could never be atoned for.

"Good. But your hatred of Mary I will never be able to grasp. Even if she was conceived under very unfortunate circumstances, she is still your daughter."

"But she is your daughter too. She is part of you, part of what I never wanted, part of what made my life hell. I know you tried to not make this marriage hell for me for a longer time than I deserved, but you weren't successful. I am impressed by your ability to love Mary regardless of me being her mother because I didn't even try to not make this a living nightmare for you. Not after I had realized that you were looking for something I could never be."

"Mary is my daughter."

"I am glad for her. She's got one parent who loves her then. Maybe I am just not made to be a mother."

"No, you are not."

"I'll probably remarry soon. And then go to America with my new husband."

"America? Why?" His insides are dancing because if she goes to America he really won't have to see her again. There won't be any awkward moments at parties or balls they both attend.

"Because the person that I am in love with is an American."

"You are in love with an American?" He has to laugh about this.

"Yes Robert. It seems that we have finally found something that we have in common. Don't deny it. I know that you are pining for that American girl."

He doesn't answer this because it is not her business. Instead he says "You have to leave here."

"I know. I'll pack my things. It shouldn't take longer than a day or two. I'll be gone the day after tomorrow."

"I know I shouldn't be asking this, but would you like to see Mary again?"

"No. She is not my daughter. I don't feel anything for her but disappointment."

He nods. It's what he expected and what he thinks might be better for Mary.

"I'll say goodbye then."

"Robert, just one more thing. The man I am going to marry is as rich as Croesus. So I won't ask for my dowry back."

"That is the most sensible and nicest thing you have ever said to me."

"Yes. I think this is the best conversation we have ever had, even if it was rather painful in parts. And isn't it fitting that it is our last?"

"It is an acceptable end to an unacceptable marriage."

"Goodbye Robert."

"Goodbye."

He is glad that it is over. And it was much less complicated than he thought although he supposes that he should thank that unknown American for it. His parents are both in the sitting room, obviously waiting for him.

"She was happy about it. She wants to go to America with someone who is as rich as Croesus. I suppose it is the fellow she let stay at our house."

"So she won't fight you on the divorce?"

"No. This marriage will come to an end."

He watches his mother get up and is surprised beyond words when she hugs him for the second time that day. "I am happy for you my dear boy. And proud of you for having taken that step. I know it can't have been easy."

He wants to tell his mother that all of this is her fault, that had she not interfered he would have gotten married to Cora years ago and they'd all be happy now. But his mother hardly ever shows any feelings and he doesn't want to ruin this by telling her what he really thinks. And after all it was his mother who suggested the divorce in the first place.

"Son", his father says. "If we moved dinner to six you could be on the eight thirty back to London. You'd get there rather late, but you wouldn't have to sleep here. I know you'd prefer to go back to London tonight."

"To catch the train I'd have to travel in my tails."

"Don't put them on for dinner then. Your mother will get over you eating with us in your travelling clothes for once. Won't you Violet?"

His mother doesn't answer his father but Robert can see her lips twitch upwards.

"Thank you, Mama, Papa."

"Well, Patrick, your mother has summoned me for tea, so I better leave now."

"Have fun."

"Patrick, having tea with your mother is never any fun. At least not for me. I'll break the news of her grandson's divorce to her."

"Don't bring her back here."

"Oh, I don't think she'd be able to come here. She will probably faint. Maybe I should open with the divorce. I wouldn't have to stay that long then."

"Violet. If I didn't"

"But you do. And so do I. I'll see you at dinner. Robert"

He nods to his mother. This is the closest he has ever seen his parents coming to saying 'I love you' and it makes him very happy to have heard it.

"Son, there is something I'd like to talk to you about."

He listens to his father and although he doesn't particularly like what he hears, he agrees.

Dinner with his parents is pleasant, even if he feels a little uncomfortable sitting in his parents' dining room in his traveling clothes but he is glad when he is back on the train to London, even if what he has to tell Cora isn't something he is looking forward to telling her.

_Patrick_

He smiles at his wife and she smiles at him. They have just sent their son back on his way to London and because there are no servants around he puts his arm around Violet's waist.

"I've told him. What we talked about concerning Cora."

"What did he say?"

"That he understands. He'll do what we ask of him. He does not particularly like it. But he will do it."

"Good. Because the scandal would just be too much to ever recover from."

"What did my mother say?"

"That it was all my fault and that she had always known that I was a very unsuitable wife for you and a very unsuitable mother for Robert and Rosamund."

"You are perfect for me, so don't let her get to you."

"I've been trying not to for almost thirty years."


	12. Chapter 12

_Cora_

"Lord Downton," the butler announces.

She is surprised beyond words when she sees Robert in the sitting room.

"I thought you wouldn't come back before tomorrow. Rosamund and Marmaduke have already gone up. I'm sure they would have waited, had they known you would come back today."

"It was easier than I thought. My parents moved dinner up an hour so that I could catch the eight thirty. I had to eat in my traveling clothes. You should have seen my mother's face when my father suggested it."

She has to laugh about this. She doesn't know Lady Grantham very well, but she can very well imagine the Countess' indignation at such a suggestion.

"So your wife isn't going to fight the divorce then?"

"No."

"Good. I'm glad about that. Are you all right?"

"Yes. It's just, I talked to her today. Philippa, I mean. It was the first time we ever talked about our feelings and I am afraid I haven't been a very good husband. She said I was looking for things in her that weren't there, and it's true. I wanted her to be something she couldn't be. At least at the beginning I wanted that and when I realized she'd never be what I wanted her to be, I tried to love her or at least care for her regardless, but it just wasn't possible."

She feels so sorry for him that she gets up and takes his hands in hers.

"Robert, you weren't really given a chance to be a good husband. What were you supposed to do? You couldn't help your feelings and you tried everything. And you behaved impeccably, or that's at least what I hope."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't have mistress, did you? You didn't take another woman into your bed, did you?"

"No, of course not." Although this is what she expected, his answer still sends a wave of relief through her. "But I had to well, do my duty. And she didn't like it."

"That is probably true, but it was a duty you both had to do. And had she absolutely not wanted it, you wouldn't have gone through with it. I know you well enough for that. You are not that kind of man." Robert begins to laugh now and she wonders what she has said.

"What is so funny about that?"

"Philippa said that too. She used the exact same words."

"Then you know it is true, if two different women tell you that."

"I'm glad I won't ever have to do it again. With her I mean." Now she has to laugh.

"I know," she says.

"Still, I wonder if I shouldn't have tried harder."

"How? What else could you have done? You are the kindest man I know. And I know you've tried to be kind to her for a time. You weren't at the end, but I am sure you were at the beginning."

"She said I looked as if I was walking into my grave on our wedding day."

"Was that how you felt that day?"

"In a way. I knew I was tying myself to a woman I'd find it very hard to love. And it wasn't what I wanted. But it wasn't what she wanted either."

"So I suppose she wasn't a joy come to life when you got married."

"No. She didn't smile once that day, at least not at me. I don't think she has ever smiled at me. Except maybe for today when I told I had filed for a divorce. She was so happy she hugged me."

"Oh dear." She wants to shoot her to the moon. That woman is not supposed to hug Robert. There are only four women she thinks are allowed to hug him, his mother, his sister, his daughter and her. Everyone else should just stay clear of him.

"I pushed her away."

"Good."

"She said it was inappropriate that she hugged me. And I agree. That just shows how horrible and wrong this marriage is."

"Was, Robert. Your marriage has come to an end, even if you aren't divorced yet. There is no going back."

"Thankfully not."

"Will you ever see her again?"

"I suppose I have to see her at court, she has to sign the papers too. But then, never again. She is moving to America. She has fallen in love with an American. I think that is rather ironic."

She wants to ask him what he means, but she doesn't dare to. So she squeezes his hands a little tighter and just smiles at him. He smiles back at her but she thinks that his smile doesn't really reach his eyes. And that scares her.

"What is it?"

"Cora, there is something we have to talk about."

"You are scaring me." "

"I am sorry. About all of this. But the divorce will cause a scandal. A huge one. But one we can deal with because I am not the person to blame. Everyone knows what Philippa has done and she will move to America with that man, so I will get out of this rather unscathed. But this will only work if there are no suspicions about me having an affair as well. Which means that I won't be able to spend a lot of time with you. Right now you are nothing more than a family friend as far as society is concerned. My mother and sister invited you to stay with them. But if we continue to spend so much time together, people will talk."

"So you want me to go back to my own house."

"Yes. And I will have to go back to Downton before the scandal breaks, which will only be a matter of days. And you can't come there, at least not for a while."

"That will be very hard on Mary." And me, she thinks but doesn't voice that thought.

"Yes, and I am very sorry for her. But it is only eight weeks until Christmas. My mother will invite you to Downton for Christmas. That is not suspicious. You are a family friend and you have no family here besides your infant son. I also suppose that you'll be spending quite a lot of time with Rosamund until then. She likes you, she told me so. So it will only be natural for you to come to Downton with her. You will be invited to stay until the Servants' Ball on the fifth of January but then you will have to leave again."

She knows that he is right but it doesn't make her very happy. In fact, it makes her cry.

"Don't Cora. It is the only way not to involve you in the scandal too. If word got around that I am much closer to you than I should be to my sister's new best friend, the papers would have a field day. We could never get rid of a scandal like that. And think about what that would mean for Sam. He is a duke. His mother can't be in the papers, especially not when she is made out to be the affair of a married man."

"What about after?" She chokes this out because she is afraid what he will say.

"After the divorce?"

"Yes."

"After the divorce you can stay at Downton as long as you like."

"That is something to look forward then."

"I am looking forward to it very much."

She wants to kiss him. Wants to show him how much it means to her that he wants her to stay at Downton as long as she likes. Which will probably be for the rest of her life. She hopes that is what he meant. She is almost sure of it.

"Cora, I will be here for only one more day. But I would write to you if you allowed me to do so. Not to your house but I would the send the letters here. I am sure that Rosamund would be more than willing to pass them on to you. And to send letters from you to me, if you were to write any."

"I will write to you. And I would love for you to write to me."

"Would you dance with me again? Please?"

"Yes", she says. She knows that it will make saying goodbye more difficult but it will be worth it. When she feels him put his arm around her waist and pull her much closer than necessary or proper she feels as if she has come home. Robert dances them across the room for a while but just like last time they eventually just sway on the spot with their arms wrapped around each other, her head on his shoulder.

"I will miss you."

"I will miss you too."


	13. Chapter 13

_Robert _

In the days and weeks to come he wonders whether he shouldn't have kissed Cora again, whether he shouldn't actually have proposed to her that night. Because that is what he will do, he is sure of it. This time around he will ask her to marry him and again, he is almost sure that she will say 'yes'.

They decided not to tell Mary about Cora coming to Downton for Christmas because the time period in between is too long for a three year old to grasp and would just make Mary impatient.

Four days after his and Mary's return to Downton he is handed a rather thick letter sent by his sister. He doesn't open it in the library, but takes it upstairs to his bedroom. When he opens it, two envelopes fall out of it. One is addressed to Lord Downton and the other one to Lady Mary Crawley. They are addressed in the same hand writing, a hand writing that is too neat to belong to his sister. He smiles at the thought of Cora having written to Mary. He decides to read Mary her letter when he tucks her in, but he opens his letter now.

_Dear Robert,_

_I hope you arrived at Downton safely. Well, to be honest I know that you did, because I asked Rosamund whether you had sent a telegram the day after you had left and she told me. I also asked her the day you left and she told me to stop pestering her, but I know she was only joking. I must say that I like your sister a lot. She is very nice, even if she doesn't necessarily seem to be at first glance. And she loves you very much. She told me about how you helped her with making your parents see sense about Marmaduke. I am rather impressed by what you've done, how you must have spoken to and probably upset your father to help you sister marry her true love. But then I suppose that you knew what it was like to be married to someone you don't like._

_How is Mary? I hope she is coming out of her shell a little more every day. I've sent a letter to her too, maybe you can read it to her before she has to go to sleep, I'm sure she'd like that. I hope I haven't overstepped my boundaries in writing to her. _

_Speaking of our children, I think that Sam misses you. I can't say for sure of course, but he's been a little fussier than usual ever since you've been gone and he did spend quite a lot of time being held by you, so I suppose it is only natural that he reacts in such a way. _

_I miss you too. I miss talking to you and just being with you. It is surprising what a central part of my life you have become, considering that we really only spend three weeks with each other. But then again, we did spend a lot of time together a few years ago. _

_I have had a letter from my brother; he has cancelled his wedding, although I am not surprised by that. It was supposed to have taken place in March, which means that I hadn't even bought the tickets for the crossing yet, so it really doesn't matter to me. I don't want my brother unhappy of course, but he is such a playboy that it is probably much better this way. Although I would have liked a reason to travel to America. _

_ Rosamund and Marmaduke are coming here for dinner tomorrow, I am looking forward to that very much. Maramduke has had to deal with some American clients this week and I am interested in what he has to say about them. I'll let you know. _

_I'd be very happy if you wrote back to me. _

_Cora_

The letter leaves him speechless. It is the kind of letter he expects married people who are in love and have known each other for years write to each other. Cora is so open in that letter; there is hardly anything she holds back. The letter also causes him to decide to defy his parents in something they have asked of him. Both his mother and father think that the earliest point at which he could get married again would be six months after the divorce, but he won't wait that long. He can't marry again right away, he knows that, but he won't wait for half a year either. Unless Cora wanted that, but her letter makes him think that she doesn't.

He gives Mary her letter when he says goodnight to her right after dinner. His parents don't mind him leaving them for a while after dinner to bring Mary to bed, unless they have guests. But they don't and he is very happy about that.

"Papa!" Mary exclaims cheerfully when he enters the nursery.

"Hello my girl. Are you ready to go to bed?"

"No. I want to stay up." This has become a regular feature of their nightly routine.

"But you have to go to sleep."

"Will you read to me?"

"Yes. I will read this to you, if you like." He hands Mary her letter and she looks at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"It's a letter for you."

"For me?" Mary asks incredulously and Robert realizes that Mary has never gotten a letter before.

"Yes. It says Lady Mary Crawley. That is you."

"Who sent it?"

"What do you think?"

"Cora?"

"Yes." Mary's face is the picture of happiness.

"Would you like me to read to you?"

"Yes, Papa. Please."

So he sits down next to his daughter, puts one arm around her and lets her open the letter. She looks at it in fascination before handing it to him.

_Dear Mary,_

_How are you? Your aunt told me that you arrived safely at Downton and I am glad to hear it. I am sure the journey on the train was exciting. I remember the first time I traveled on the train from Cincinnati to New York. It took a very long time, but I got to see so much. We even had beds on the train, that is how long it took. If you would like to hear the story, I'll tell you all about it the next time I see you. _

_Sam and I went to the park yesterday and we walked past the fountain you showed to us on our walk there. You were right, it is very pretty. Sam enjoyed being outside but I think he missed you. He kept looking around as if he was looking for something and I am almost sure that it was you. You two have spent a lot of time together and you are a very good friend to him. _

_Your aunt and uncle are coming to my house for dinner today and I am looking forward to that very much. The next time you are in London you should come to my house too. I'd be very happy if you did. _

_I am almost sure that your Papa will read this letter to you right before you have to go to sleep. So sweet dreams, my girl._

_Cora _

"Can I keep the letter, please?"

He has to take a deep breath before he can answer his daughter because there is quite a lump in his throat.

"Of course you can. It is your letter."

"Do you think she will write to me again?"

"Yes." Cora hasn't written anything about that, but he is sure that she will do it and he can ask her to do it anyway.

"Papa, I want to learn how to read. I want to read the letters myself."

"Reading is difficult. And it will take months before you will be able to do it by yourself."

"Then I should start tomorrow."

"All right. I'll teach you if you would like me to. But we'll start with numbers, they are easier than letters."

"Good. When should I come to you for my lesson?"

He has to laugh about the seriousness in his daughter's tone.

"How about after lunch? You could come to the library."

"Yes. I will be on time, I promise."

"All right, Mary. And now you have to go to sleep or you will be too tired for your lesson tomorrow."

He joins his parents again, but his thoughts are elsewhere and he goes back to his room rather early to write back to Cora.

_Dear Cora,_

_Thank you so much for your letters, you've made both Mary and me very happy. _

_Mary wanted to know whether you would write to her again and I told her 'yes' because I am sure that you had planned to do this anyway. She wants to learn how to read now, to be able to read your letters herself. I told her I'd teach her but we'll start with numbers, see how that goes. My parents think I should hire a governess for her, but I think she is still too young for that. A governess will be stern and give her structured lessons every day and I think that Mary is too young for that, regardless of her intelligence. Of course, she will need a governess sooner rather than later because I won't be able to teach her everything, but I am not that bad at Latin and Math, so I should be able to teach her some things myself, even if they aren't lady like. But Mary is so intelligent that it would be unfair to her not to give her every opportunity to learn. And I don't believe that gender has an influence on one's ability to learn anyway, after all, I grew up with Rosamund. Of course I won't be able to teach Mary French and how to curtsey. _

_I am sorry that you lost your reason to travel to America, but isn't wanting to travel there reason enough to actually do it? _

_I miss you too and I am looking forward to seeing you again very much, even if it will be quite a while. I know we've already talked about this, but please don't tell Mary you are coming for Christmas. It is very frustrating for me to have to wait for it but I am sure that it would be even more frustrating for her._

_My lawyer has sent me a letter, telling me that the divorce proceedings have actually gone ahead now, so it won't be that much longer. I am so relieved by that. I'll let you know as soon as I know more._

_I told Mary a while ago that she'd have to go to sleep or she'd be too tired for her lesson tomorrow, and the same is true for me now. So goodnight,_

_Robert _

Cora keeps on writing to Mary once week and he is beyond thankful to her for doing it because Mary treasures every single letter she receives from Cora.

She writes to him more than once a week and he always writes back the same day and he treasures Cora's letters too and decides to buy his sister a rather expensive Christmas present for being the proxy for him and Cora in their letter writing. Rosamund sometimes includes letters of her own, telling him that she spends quite a lot of time with Cora and that she likes her very much and that she is looking forward to having Cora as a sister-in-law. He writes to her that she should not say that out loud and she writes back and asks him whether he thought she was stupid. But it was obviously written in jest and Robert can't help but think that his relationship to his sister has improved quite a lot, thanks to Cora.


	14. Chapter 14

_Cora_

"The Countess of Grantham," her butler announces.

Lady Grantham is a somewhat frightening woman and although Cora is her social superior she is a little afraid of her and is glad when the Countess accepts her invitation to sit down.

"Duchess, I came here to invite you for Christmas. My daughter and her husband are coming on the 24th and they'll leave on the 6th. You could go with them if you wanted to. Lord Grantham and I would be very happy to have you at Downton for Christmas and New Year's Eve."

"And I am very happy to accept your invitation, Lady Grantham."

"Good, good."

"How is Lady Mary?"

"She is improving every day. She is still very shy and hardly ever speaks to anyone besides Lord Downton but at least she speaks at all."

"I am glad to hear that she is getting better."

"She talks about you. When she talks in front of Lord Grantham or me it is usually about you."

"She is a lovely child."

"Cora, both my granddaughter and my son love you very much. They both have dreams of a future that involves you. If for any reason you cannot offer them more than friendship, please tell Robert. It would break his heart but it would be easier for him to know now than to keep hoping and then be disappointed."

She is speechless. Not because Lady Grantham has called her by her first name, but because of how worried the Countess is about her son and granddaughter.

"Duchess?"

"Excuse me Lady Grantham. Of course I would tell Lord Downton if friendship was all I could offer. I understand your concern."

"I also advise you to think about all of this very carefully. Because you would be giving up a lot. You are a Duchess now, but you would be a Viscountess if you married Robert. Until your son comes of age, all his property is yours to do with what you want. That right would be transferred to Robert if you were to marry him. I am sure he would not make use of it, but I think you should know."

"Are you trying to tell me that I should not consider marrying Robert?"

"No. But he has been very unhappy; he was stuck in a horrible marriage. If he was to get married again, it could not be to a woman who might hold grudges against him because it would not be an advantageous match for her."

"Lady Grantham, I was stuck in a horrible marriage as well. Not as horrible as Robert's, but not pleasant either. Should I ever get married again, it would only be out of the deepest love. And where there is love, there can be no grudges because a love match cannot be disadvantageous."

"If you say so."

"Yes, Lady Grantham I do say so."

Lady Grantham chuckles at this.

"I like you, Cora. I really do. Even if you are an American."

"Thank you. I take that as a compliment."

When she tells Rosamund about that last comment, Rosamund replies that that is quite a high praise coming from her mother.

She joins Rosamund and Maramduke in their private compartment on their way to Downton. She has Sam with her because she sent the nanny home for Christmas. Robert said he wouldn't mind if Mary's nanny had to take care of Sam for a few days but Cora supposes that she will do a lot of the taking care herself. "We are in for a white Christmas", Marmaduke says and points out the window. It has started to snow. How fitting she thinks. A perfect white Christmas. Rosamund tells them stories about Christmas at Downton and most of them involve her and Robert looking for their presents in the attic. She has to laugh imagining a 12 year old Robert sneaking out of his room at night to join his 16 year old sister in her endeavor to find out about the presents they will be given a few days later anyway. "It will be lovely Christmas this year", she says.

"If we ever get there." Marmaduke points out the window again and she notices that the train is going at a snail's pace. Sam is becoming fussy and she has difficulties to calm him down. Eventually the train stops all together. Marmaduke goes to find the conductor while she tries to soothe a screaming Sam. "Give him to me for a while", Rosamund offers and she gladly hands Sam over to her. Miraculously he stops screaming as soon as Rosamund holds him. "Thank you."

"They need to clear the tracks. It'll be a while. We will arrive very late. We should probably try to get some sleep." But sleep doesn't come for any one of them except Sam who seems to have gotten over his fussiness. They eventually arrive at Downton at 4 am after having been on the train for almost ten hours and when they get to the Abbey, only Robert is still awake. Because Lord and Lady Grantham aren't there, they do away with the conventional forms of greeting. Rosamund gives Robert a peck on the cheek and says "I am so tired, I am about to fall asleep standing up. I'll go to bed little brother." Maramduke follows her, carrying up the trunk with their nightclothes in it himself because the hall boy on duty is nowhere to be found.

As soon as they are gone Robert takes Sam from her without asking.

"You look dead on your feet, Cora. Let's get Sam upstairs. We've put a crib in the room next to Mary's, so the nanny can have an eye on both of them. I just didn't have it put in Mary's room because she still doesn't know that you will be here for Christmas. And because the train was so late you will now be her Christmas present. She will be so happy."

He opens the door next to Mary's room, turns on the light, gives Sam a kiss on the forehead and puts him to bed without waking him up.

"Thank you", she says although what she wants to say is "I love you". But she doesn't dare to. He smiles at her.

"You are very good with him. You are so gentle."

"I've had a lot of practice with Mary. I miss having a baby around. I wish" But he swallows and doesn't finish.

"Robert, who is to say that we won't have more children?" He walks towards her, pulls her close to him and kisses her. "Thank you." She only now realizes what she has said but she finds that she doesn't regret saying it.

"Would you care for a nightcap?"

"Isn't it a little late for that, Robert?"

"It is so late now that it doesn't matter anymore."

"You are probably right."

So they walk back downstairs, hand in hand. She remembers Lady Grantham's words and wonders if Robert needs more reassuring while she watches him pour their drinks. But she doesn't know how to give it to him while he is still married. She is scared of telling him that she loves him because he might not be ready to say it back until the divorce.

"How is the divorce going?"

"My father pulled some strings; the court date is January 24th. That is six weeks earlier than the lawyer estimated. So far Philippa's family hasn't made any demands. So as far as that is possible, one could say that it is going well."

"The scandal isn't as bad as you thought, is it?"

"No. But people are talking about it."

"Of course they are. But they are all on your side. Half of London knows that she wants to go to America with that man. She isn't exactly quiet about it. But I think that is rather helpful for you."

"Let's hope so. I just want this to be over."

"Your mother said that Mary was doing much better."

"Yes. She now talks to my parents. She is still shy around them but she speaks."

"That makes me very happy."

"Dance with me."

_Mary_

She wakes up for the fifth time that night. She looks at the alarm clock next to her bed. She can read the clock. It is easy. The small hand shows the hours and the big hand shows the minutes. And she can read the numbers. Numbers aren't as difficult as letters. Her Papa is teaching her letters now because she wants to read Cora's letters herself. It is half past 5 now, because the small hand is between five and six and the big hand is on six. Her Papa has told her not to get up before eight but she is too excited. It is Christmas. She won't go to her father's room; she doesn't want to be scolded on Christmas morning. But she will look at the tree. Maybe Father Christmas has already brought the presents. But she won't open them. Granny would be mad. She goes into the hallway and sees Knight in front of her father's door. She is not supposed to go somewhere alone with Knight but she'll stay inside the house. "Come on Knight. Let's look at the tree." She walks downstairs with Knight. On her way to the tree she sees light in the sitting room. And she hears someone hum. It sounds like her Papa. If he is up she can go to him. Maybe he is excited about Christmas too. "Shhh", she says to Knight. She peeks around the door. Her Papa is standing with his back to the door, moving from side to side. But he isn't alone. There is a woman there who is holding onto him. She has her head on her Papa's shoulder and her Papa is humming for that woman. She gets mad because he only ever hums for her. He is not supposed to hum for anyone else.

"Robert?"

"Hm?" Her Papa has stopped humming now and Mary's heart has begun to beat really fast.

"Can we stay like this forever?"

"That would be very nice."

"Let's just not go to bed. Let's stay here and ignore the world." She knows that voice. It is Cora's. Her Papa has started humming again but she isn't mad anymore. He can hum for Cora. She wants to leave. Her Papa is not supposed to know that she is up. She will go back to bed and be a good girl. She can be good. She has to be good for Cora.

"Knight, come with me", she whispers. But Knight doesn't listen. He barks. Really loudly. She wants to hide but her father turns around and sees her. And then Cora sees her too. And smiles at her. And although she is scared she runs to her. Cora catches her and lifts her up.

"Hello Mary," she says. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I couldn't sleep anymore."

"Are you excited about Christmas?"

"Yes."

"Mary, I told you to stay in bed until eight. You can read the clock, can't you?"

"Yes Papa. I am sorry."

"It's all right my darling girl." Her father isn't mad at her.

"Is Sam here too?" She likes Sam. She sometimes pretends that Sam is her brother. She wants a brother.

"Yes he is. He needs to be fed soon. If you promise to go back to bed afterwards, you can help me. You can hold the bottle for him. Would you like that?"

"Yes."

"Will you go back to bed when he is done?"

"Yes. I promise. Papa, can I? Please?"

"Yes. I'll come with you, if Cora doesn't mind."

"I don't."

Cora asks the hall boy to get the bottle of milk form the kitchen and once he has given it to her, they go upstairs. Sam is in the room next to hers. He is awake already. He is making funny sounds.

"Mary, you have to sit on my lap." She doesn't mind, she likes sitting on Cora's lap.

"Robert, would you give him to us?" Her Papa nods and smiles and then places Sam in her arms. Cora shows her how to feed him with the bottle and then gives the bottle to her. Sam drinks from it.

"Look Papa. He is drinking."

"He must be hungry. He was on the train for a long time."

"Why?"

"Because our train got stuck. It snowed so much it couldn't really move. Your aunt and uncle and Sam and I were on the train for almost 10 hours."

"That's a long time."

Her Papa is now looking out the window. "I don't think we will be able to go to Church tomorrow. We are snowed in. I can't remember that much snow." He turns back to them and smiles. Her Papa is always happiest when Cora is there. Just like her. Sam's eyes are closing now.

"I think he is falling asleep," Cora says softly. "You have done very well, Mary. Robert?" Her Papa takes Sam again and puts him back into his crib.

"And it is off to bed with you too, little lady."

"Yes Papa. I promised. And you don't break promises."

"We'll tuck you in." She likes being tucked in by her Papa. He can't do it every night because sometimes there are guests and he can't come back upstairs after dinner. But it is nice when he tucks her in. It is even better when Cora is there too.

"Cora, how long will you stay?"

"For two weeks."

"Good." She wants Cora to stay forever but her Papa said she wasn't supposed to ask about that. So she doesn't.

_Robert_

"We should go to bed too."

"Yes. It is quarter past six. Mary will wake me in less than two hours."

"You could sleep again during the day. As you have already pointed out, we probably won't be going to church today."

"I don't want to sleep during the day."

"Why not?"

"I want to spend time with you, Cora. And I can't do that when I'm asleep." He wants to tell her that he loves her but he doesn't think he should as long as he is still married. It is only four more weeks. He will have to go to court to sign the divorce papers on the 24th. He will stay at Rosamund's and he dearly hopes that Rosamund will have her wits about her and invite Cora there too. He should tell Rosamund to do so and then he will tell Cora that he loves her and that he can't live without her anymore.

"Robert, as sweet as that is, we have to go to sleep now. I have been awake for twenty four hours now; I'll faint if I don't go to bed now."

"Sleep well then."

"You too." He kisses her on the lips and wants to pull her into his room with him, even if it was just to sleep. He could let her sleep in his arms but he has to let go of her.

"I'll see you later today," she says and leaves.


	15. Chapter 15

_Robert_

It hasn't stopped snowing and they really are snowed in. They can't go to church, they can't even go outside. But Christmas day is wonderful nevertheless. Mary opens up to Marmaduke and Rosamund which might be due to the fact that Rosamund spends hours teaching Mary to play Silent Night on the piano and Marmaduke keeps praising her for her performance. The second day of being snowed in goes off without a hitch too and is spent much like the first. On both days he and Cora are the last to go upstairs and he comes close to telling her how much he loves her again. It is getting harder and harder for him not to tell her.

On the third day Mary loses her temper in the morning. She is bored and wants to go outside but can't and she doesn't accept it. He has to keep telling himself that no matter how intelligent she might be, she isn't yet four and bound to lose her temper from time to time. His mother tells Mary that she could have tea with the grown-ups if she behaved and that seems to be incentive enough. Mary doesn't cause any trouble until tea, but apparently she doesn't think that she is not supposed to not misbehave during tea either. Mary smashes the biscuits on her plate and sends crumbs flying everywhere. He tells his daughter to stop it three times but she doesn't listen. He is about to send her back to her room when Cora turns to Mary.

"Mary, please stop it. That is no way to behave." Mary looks at Cora uncertainly.

"Listen to your mother," he says.

"Yes Papa" the girl says, puts down her plate and sits up straight. He wonders what he has said because everyone else is staring at him.

"Let's hope the snow will melt soon," his father says.

Mary behaves perfectly for the rest of the day and the next day. The only thing that worries him is that she seems to cling to Cora even more than usual. When he is alone with Cora in the sitting room late in the afternoon he voices his concern to her.

"Robert, are you honestly surprised that she clings to me now? After what you said to her?"

"After I said what when?" He has no idea what Cora could be talking about.

"When I told her to stop smashing the biscuits during tea the day before yesterday."

"I only told her to listen to you."

"You said 'Listen to your mother'." His stomach does a backflip. He had not realized that.

"I did? I am sorry. I didn't notice. I shouldn't have said that."

"Well, you did. You have raised her hopes up to the sky."

"Cora, I am sorry."

"You have raised my hopes up to the sky as well." He kisses her. In broad day light, in the middle of the most frequented room in the house. If they get caught they will be chaperoned for the rest of Cora's stay. He has been surprised by his parents leaving them alone together every night, but if they were caught kissing like that, his parents wouldn't be so lenient anymore. But they aren't caught and they keep on spending time alone together.

Because his parents are both tipsy before dinner New Year's Eve and drink even more alcohol during dinner they are too drunk to notice how little Rosamund and Marmaduke and Cora and he adhere to propriety. Or maybe they are just used to Rosamund and Marmaduke's disregard for rules so much that they are past trying to correct them as long as there are no guests. Cora doesn't seem to be considered a guest anymore but a member of the family.

_Cora_

She has to laugh at Lord and Lady Grantham. They are hopelessly drunk, both of them, something she would never have imagined could happen to Lady Grantham. They even do away with the rule that married people should never sit next to each other when in company and sit down on the same couch. When she points this out to Rosamund, her friend laughs. "That is the only rule of propriety they break rather often. They always sit next to each other in here as long as there are no guests around."

"No guests around? What am I? Part of the sitting room decoration?" Rosamund doubles over with laughter now.

"No certainly not. But they don't see you as a guest. Not really. When was the last time they called you 'Duchess'?"

"I don't know. Christmas or the day after maybe?"

"Have you ever allowed them to call you by your first name?"

"No. But I don't mind." She really doesn't mind. She has become quite sick of being called 'Duchess'.

"You are the highest ranking aristocrat here, except for your son. My parents, especially my mother, would usually go out of their way to show you the respect that befits your station."

"I don't find them disrespectful. I think they are rather nice to me, in fact. Your mother hasn't even said anything condescending about America for two days. I know it must be really hard for her."

"It is very hard for her. And my parents do go out of their way for you. Just not to show you the respect that befits your station but to show you that you are more than welcome here. Always. Ever since Robert made that 'Listen to your mother' comment that obviously didn't bother you, my parents have been quite sure that you will spend a lot more time here in the not too far future. They are certain that you will become a member of this family sooner rather than later. And they know that being called 'Duchess' makes you feel uncomfortable. So they've stopped doing it. You are not a guest in this house anymore Cora, you are much more than that."

She wants to answer something but Marmaduke grabs Rosamund around the waist and pulls her away. She looks at Lord and Lady Grantham. Lady Grantham appears not to have noticed Marmaduke's behavior but Lord Grantham certainly has. He raises his eyebrows at her, chuckles and shakes his head.

"What are you laughing about, dear?"

"Cora asking whether she is part of the sitting room decoration." So he has heard the conversation then.

"She is not. I would never put any decoration into this room that has come from America."

"That is rather good to know. I won't bring you any presents next time I go to America then." Her comment makes Lord Grantham laugh and she is glad that he seems to have realized that it was made in jest. His wife is beyond noticing what she is saying.

When the clock strikes twelve she is the first person that Robert kisses and he kisses her on the lips in front of everyone else. His now almost sobered up again mother exclaims an indignant 'Robert!' but he only smiles at his mother and doesn't say anything. As usual they are the last ones still up and as has almost become nightly routine; Robert dances her across the room.

"We'll get to dance properly at the servants' ball."

"I am looking forward to the dancing but not to the day of the ball."

"Because it will be your last one here."

"Yes."

"I'll see you on the 24th. Rosamund is planning on having a celebratory dinner on the day of my divorce. I am sure that you will be invited to it."

"She mentioned it to me yesterday. Apparently it will be only her and Maramduke and you and me."

"Who else is she supposed to invite to that? My then-ex-wife?"

"That is not funny."

"I am sorry. Mary's birthday is on January 28th. I am sure she would love for you and Sam to be here. You could come with Rosamund and Marmaduke again."

"I will."

"Good. It'll make Mary very happy. It will make me very happy too."

It is her who initiates the kiss this time and she knows that this time they won't stop at just kissing. Robert takes her hand and leads her to his room. Their kissing becomes more frantic and once they are halfway through undressing each other she says a half-heartedly "Robert, we can't" to which he replies "I know. But we can do other things." And other things they do.

She had always known that it would be different if she loved the man she was with and she felt a desire for Robert she had never felt for anyone before, but she had no idea how good and right it could feel. If she hadn't already made the decision to say yes when he proposes to her, she would have made that decision right now. She doesn't just want to spend every day with Robert anymore; she wants to spend every night with him as well. And she is sure that he will propose after this, because he is not the kind of man who would not propose to a woman after having spent the night with her the way they have just spent the night. She is also sure that he loves her because what they have done can only be done by two people who love and trust each other very much. Never would she have allowed her first husband to touch and kiss her like that and never would she have done that to him. But it felt right and wonderful with Robert and she knows this is proof of their true and passionate love for each other. They fall asleep in his bed, all tangled up in the blankets and wrapped around each other.

They are woken the next morning by the under butler Carson who softly knocks on the door and then opens it only a bit and says

"My lord, I thought it might be prudent to wake you now so that your valet can take care of you later on."

"Thank you Carson" Robert says.

"What was that?"

"I suppose he knows you are in here. Maybe he saw us going upstairs together last night and he doesn't want a scandal."

"I really better go now because I can't be seen running around the house in only my undergarments."

"You are right. Will you come down for breakfast? Please?"

"I like having breakfast in bed."

"I know. But I want to spend time with you and I can't come to your room."

"Should you ever be allowed to come to my room any time you want, will you let me have breakfast in bed?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll come downstairs today."

When she is on her way to breakfast she sees the under butler.

"Carson"

"Your Grace"

"Thank you."

"You are welcome."

The snow has not completely melted yet but it has melted enough for her and Robert to go for a walk. They take Mary along but not Sam because it is too cold for him to be outside for long. Mary runs ahead with Knight following her so that she and Robert are alone once again.

"Cora, I wanted to ask you a favor."

"Of course."

"Would you mind dancing the first dance with Carson at the Servants' Ball? My mother opens it with Richards, the head butler, and my sister will have to dance the first with my father's valet."

"I wouldn't mind that."

"Thank you, darling."

It's the first time he has called her that and it brings home to her how close they are to finally taking the last step.

"You're welcome."

She dreads the ball because it will be her last night at Downton. She knows that she will see Robert again in a little over two weeks and that she will be back at Downton in three weeks, but she has had enough of it. She just wants to stay put.

Except for the first dance, Robert dances every dance with her and she knows that they are being impossibly impolite but neither the servants nor any of the family seem to mind. They are the last of the family to leave and when they do, they both go to Robert's room again. It is their last night together for a while and they want to make out of it what they can, even if they can't do everything they would like to do.

Mary breaks down in tears when she has to say goodbye the next day and can't even be pacified by the promise of Cora coming back to Downton for her birthday.

"You are just going to leave me. Just like my real mother."

"Mary, look at me. Please. I have to leave. I can't stay here. Not right now. But I will come back. I promise."

"And then you will leave again. Why can't you just stay? Don't you love us?"

"Of course I do. But it is very complicated, I just can't stay now. I will be here for your birthday and until then I will write to you. I promise. But that is all that I can do."

"I will hate you if you don't write to me."

"Mary, I will write to you but what you have just said is very unkind. I don't want you to say anything like that ever again. Understood?"

Mary only nods.

"Very good. I'll see you the day before your birthday. I'm looking forward to it." She gives Mary a kiss on the cheek and the girl smiles again.

Robert has held Sam while she said goodbye to Mary and before he passes him back to her he says "I'll see you soon, my dear boy." It makes her heart melt because it shows her that Sam won't have to grow up without a father.

"I wish I didn't have to leave."

"But you do. It won't be long. I'll see you in London. Off with you."


	16. Chapter 16

_Robert_

He watches as the carriage is pulled away. He feels as if Downton has lost its soul.

"Papa?"

"Yes?"

"She will come back, won't she?"

"Of course she will."

"Will you marry her?"

"I will ask her to marry me and I hope that she will say yes. Would it make you happy if I married her?"

"Yes. She would be my mother then."

He thinks that Cora already is Mary's mother but he doesn't voice that thought.

"So, that American girl has left then?"

"Mama, don't call her that. Please."

"That's what she is. An American."

"Mama, don't tell me that you have changed your mind and that you will again try to prevent me from proposing to her."

"Is that what you are planning to do?"

"Yes. And I won't be stopped this time. And I am almost sure she'll say yes."

"Well, she has spent too many nights in your room to say no, don't you think?"

"How do you"

"Robert, I am the Lady of this house. I hope you've been careful."

"There won't be a child."

"Not yet."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, when you are married, I hope that you will provide me with more grandchildren."

"I think that is rather likely."

"Good. Because two is certainly not enough."

"Is Rosamund pregnant?"

His mother's face clouds over for a second but she catches herself.

"No. I was talking about Sam. He is a lovely boy."

"Mama, is everything all right with Rosamund?" His sister has helped him so much over the past few months and he wants her to be happy.

"She isn't sick but she can't have any children. But don't ever tell her that I told you. She made me swear not to tell anyone besides your father. And except for your father, me, and now you, Marmaduke and Cora are the only other people who know. Don't ever mention it. Or at least not to anyone besides Cora."

"Why does Cora know?"

"Because Rosamund was scared to go to the doctor alone and asked Cora to come along. And she did it. That American girl is very nice. You better make sure that she accepts you."

"I can assure you Mama that I am trying my best."

The next two and a half weeks set his teeth on edge. The closer the day of the court date comes, the more nervous he gets. His lawyer keeps assuring him that it should all go well and he knows that Philippa wants this divorce as much as he wants it and for the same reason.

Despite Cora's assurances and frequent letters, Mary is still terribly afraid that Cora won't come back. He has written to Cora about this and she is now sending three letters a week to Mary instead of one but it doesn't help. He can't blame Mary for her fear, she is just a small child, her mother has never cared about her and then left without saying goodbye.

He doesn't feel comfortable about leaving Mary alone, even if it is just for two days, but he can't take her to London with him. He is sure that Rosamund wouldn't mind if he brought her and that neither would Cora, but he has a feeling that he should do this without Mary. She is too young to really understand what is going on and he is afraid that Philippa might have changed her mind about seeing Mary, and seeing her mother again now would just confuse Mary too much. So she has to stay at Downton.

The child's tears seem endless when he says goodbye to her and she clings to him as if she was afraid to never see him again. He thinks that she probably is. His father finally takes her from him and promises her that he will take her on a walk later. It calms her enough for him to leave. He wants all of this to be over. He wants Cora and Sam at Downton and to be done with all the drama but it is not to be yet.

Because the train sits out of Peterborough for what seems like hours, he gets to his sister's house a lot later than he thought. He is fidgety all through dinner to such an extent that Rosamund almost yells at him to finally calm down. Marmaduke keeps offering him drinks but he doesn't want to go to court hung over so he declines all of them except for the first one. He doesn't sleep at all that night. He wishes that Cora was there, but her being at the same house as he both on the day before and the day of his divorce would cause too much talking. And he'd much rather see her afterwards if he can only see her once.

He leaves the house the next day a married man and returns a bachelor. He knows the papers will be full of it again, there were at least ten journalists in front of the court house who tried to get a comment from him but he did not say anything. He is not sure that he wasn't followed, but there is nothing wrong with staying at his sister's house. To avoid any kind of gossip, Cora had already gone to Rosamund's house in the afternoon so that they wouldn't arrive at the same time.

When the butler opens the door he tells him "The Dowager Duchess of Suffolk awaits you in the sitting room." His heart skips more than just one beat and he has to keep himself in check to not run into the room. When he realizes that she is alone in the room he wraps his arms around her and says "It's done."

"Really?" she asks.

"Yes."

"I can't believe it."

He can't really believe it either.

After they have said goodbye to Cora later that evening, his sister sits down next to him.

"So, when are you going to make her a Crawley?"

"I don't know. I wish I could do it tomorrow but I think we'll have to wait a few weeks at least. It would probably be better to wait a few months but I don't think I could stand it. She's coming to Downton for Mary's birthday and I am not sure I'll be able to let her go again."

"Have you made any plans for your proposal yet?"

"Yes. I'll do it on the 27th. Sometime after dinner."

"I thought you wanted to avoid another scandal."

"I do. And me asking her doesn't mean an official announcement. We can wait with that. But I can't wait to ask her."

"Do you think she expects a proposal?"

"Yes. Maybe not that soon. But she is waiting for it. And she will say yes. Rosamund, can I ask you to help me with something?"

"Of course."

"After dinner, on the 27th I mean, would you make sure that no one comes into the entrance hall for a while? I want to do it in the Abbey because that will be our home."

"You can always rely on me. If nothing else works, I'll start a fight with Mama."

When he arrives home, Mary comes flying down the stairs quite literally and he catches her just before she stumbles and falls.

"Mary, my darling girl, what is going on with you? You can't run down the stairs like that. It is dangerous. You could have fallen and you would have been hurt then."

"But you caught me Papa. When will Cora come?"

"The day after tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. She is coming with your aunt and uncle and yes she will bring Sam."

"Good."

Mary is so jittery for the next one and a half days that she makes him even more nervous than he already is. He isn't as sure that Cora will say yes as he pretended to be when he asked Rosamund to keep people from going into the entrance hall.

They arrive the next day just in time to change. Cora has been placed between him and his father due to her rank during dinner. He wonders if he isn't asking her to give up too much. But he has got the ring in his pocket and there is no going back. He has already asked Cora to come to the entrance right after the separation after dinner and he isn't sure that she doesn't have a suspicion.

"What is it Robert?" she asks when she comes into the entrance hall.

"I just wanted to have you for myself for a few minutes. We really didn't see much of each other three days ago and I've missed you. And we won't have a quiet moment tonight because Mary is so excited about her birthday that she is bound to wake up every ten minutes and she will want my attention. And yours too probably. And we won't be missed now. So dance with me."

She smiles at him as he starts to hum. He slows them down after a few minutes and as she usually does, Cora puts her head on his shoulder.

"Cora?"

"Yes?"

"You know that you are the love of my life, don't you?"

"I've suspected it. But it is nice to hear you say it." She lifts her head and looks into his eyes. "And I love you too. I've been wanting to say it for a long time now but I was always scared that I shouldn't. At least not before"

"Yes. I know what you mean. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can." Now, this is it. He is finally doing what he should have done five years ago. So he gets down on one knee and the smile on Cora's face tells him the answer before he has even asked the question.

"Cora, I know I am asking you to give up a lot for me. But I am going to ask you regardless because I love you too much not to ask. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes." He puts the ring on her finger and then gets up and kisses her.

A round of applause is building around them and there are rose petals falling from the gallery. He breaks away from Cora without letting go of her and looks around. His father, mother, sister, brother-in-law and daughter are all standing in the entrance hall and what seem to be all the servants of the house are standing on the gallery. He looks into Cora's face and she is laughing. "I told Rosamund to keep people out of the entrance hall." He kisses his soon-to-be-wife again which leads to another round of applause. "Thank you," he says and looks over to Rosamund who obviously has trouble restraining a thoroughly excited Mary. Cora looks over at them too and says "Mary, come here," before he can say anything. His daughter comes running and he lifts her up. He has never seen his little girl so happy.

"Cora, does that mean that you will live with us?" she asks hopefully.

"Yes, it does."

"And Sam too?"

"Yes."

Mary screams with joy and almost hits his and Cora's heads together when she tries to hug them both.

_Mary_

Cora is coming to live at Downton. It makes her so happy. And Sam will stay too. It is as if she has been given a mother and a brother on the night before her birthday. She doesn't even care about her birthday anymore. This is so much better. Her Papa carries her into the drawing room and she is allowed to stay up as long as she wants. She decides to stay up the whole night. Sam is too small to be there with them. She wants to tell him about this when he is older. So she mustn't miss anything. Her aunt Rosamnund sits down at the piano and plays very nice songs. Her Papa dances with Cora and her grandparents dance together. Her Papa asks her to dance with him next and she is allowed to step on his shoes because she doesn't know how to dance yet. But she has to learn soon because dancing is fun. It makes people happy. Everyone around her is happy. Because Aunt Rosamund wants to dance too, Cora plays the piano for a little while. She wants to learn to play too. She will ask Cora to teach her how to dance and how to play the piano.

She is woken up the next morning by Cora. "Wake up, birthday girl", she says. It is her birthday, she almost forgot. There is a maid in the room too and she puts a breakfast tray onto her bed.

"I thought we could have breakfast together this morning. Just you and I. What do you think?"

"In bed?"

"Yes. If you like." Of course she likes it. Silly question.

"What about Papa?"

"He already had breakfast. You slept late. But you got to bed late as well. And it is your birthday so we didn't want to wake you too early."

While they eat, Cora tells her about her birthdays in America, how her brother once tried to steal all of her presents and how she once got a kitty as a present that chewed on her father's shoes. There is a knock on the door and her father comes in, carrying Sam. "Good morning my birthday girl", he says and gives her a kiss. She doesn't even care about her presents anymore.


	17. Chapter 17

_Cora_

"The Duke of Suffolk, Lord and Lady Downton and Lady Mary," the butler announces. She has to smile about that. They are being announced in their own home, although that is probably due to the fact that they have returned from their journey to America a day earlier than expected and nobody was outside to greet them.

Mary runs towards her grandparents as soon as she sees them and even Sam tries to wriggle free of Robert's grasp. Their son learned how to walk in America and although he is still a little unsteady on his feet, walking is obviously his favorite activity.

Her parents-in-law pester them with questions not only about their trip to America but also about their wedding journey because her and Robert were home for less than a day between returning from their wedding journey to the continent alone and leaving for America with their children. She wishes she could defer the questions to the next day because she is very tired but she can't as that would be very unkind.

After dinner she and Robert are the last ones downstairs again. She is still incredibly tired but she wanted to be with her husband alone in their home for few minutes before they go upstairs. She knows that she will fall asleep as soon as she lies down in bed.

"Robert, dance with me." He smiles at her as if he had expected her to ask him for this.

"I'm glad to be home," she says to him and he stops dancing and wraps his arms around her.

"Me too, my darling." She lifts his head of his shoulder and looks at him.

"Robert?"

"Hm?" This is it. She will tell him now.

"We are going to have a baby."

"I love you," he says and kisses her. "When?"

"In about six months."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

She has been trying to get to sleep for almost an hour now. It is the middle of the day but she needs to rest a lot. Just as during her first pregnancy, tiredness is her biggest problem. But this time there is someone there to take care of her. Robert has paid her more attention during the last four months than ever before and worries about her wellbeing constantly. She thinks it is rather cute. There is a knock on the door.

"Enter"

"Cora can I come in? Papa said not to bother you but"

"You aren't bothering me Mary. Of course you can come in. Come sit next to me."

She indicates Robert's side of the bed to Mary and she climbs onto it. She puts her arm around Mary who moves closer to her immediately.

"Papa said you were very tired because of the baby."

"Not very tired. Just tired. The baby always moves around when I try to get some sleep and that is keeping me awake." In fact the baby seems to be very fond of either tap dancing or of some violent form of cricket. Sam didn't move around half as much as this one.

"Does the baby know it is keeping you awake?"

"No. Would you like to feel your brother or sister move?"

"Can I?"

"Yes." She takes Mary's hand and places it on her abdomen. Mary is fascinated when she feels the baby move.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. It feels a little funny. But it doesn't hurt."

"The baby will call you 'Mama' and call Papa 'Papa'." It is not a question. She has been worried that Mary might become jealous of the baby.

"Sam calls my Papa 'Papa' too, although he isn't his Papa" Mary adds.

"Is that what you think?" She has an idea where this is going and she hopes that she can handle it well.

"That is what I know. But Papa doesn't mind. He says he loves Sam as much as me."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Mad." This will be difficult.

"Why?"

"Because Sam and that new baby will have a mother and a father. And I don't. I only have a father."

"Is that how you feel?"

"Yes."

"I am very sorry that you feel this way my darling girl." It breaks her heart to hear Mary say that she doesn't have a mother because she has tried her best to be a mother for her.

"Cora?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love me as much as Sam?"

"Of course I do." It is true. The little girl stole heart long ago.

"Does that mean that I am your daughter?" Although she has known Mary for over a year she is still amazed by her intelligence.

"That is how I think of you." Mary doesn't say anything for a while and Cora wonders whether her daughter has fallen asleep.

"Mary, are you still awake?"

"Yes."

"You haven't said anything for a while. I thought you had fallen asleep."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can."

"If Sam and the new baby call you 'Mama', can I do that too?"

"I'd be honored if you did."

"Mama, I am really tired."

"Then lie down properly. Your brother or sister seems to have stopped moving around, so maybe we can all get some sleep."

There is a soft knock on the door again.

"Enter" Mary says. She has to laugh about her daughter. She knows she should scold her, but right now she is too happy to do so. Robert enters the room carrying an almost sleeping Sam.

"Oh there you are Mary. I was looking for you. I wanted to take you outside."

"Papa, I am very tired. Mama said I could sleep here for a while."

"Did she?" Robert looks at her questioningly and she nods. She knows that Robert has been waiting for Mary to finally call her 'Mama' as much as she has.

"Well, your brother is more or less asleep too. Maybe we should just stay here as well. You three sleep and I read my book."

He puts Sam next to Mary and then sits down on his other side. Their children fall asleep within minutes as they watch them.

"Darling, you should sleep too."

"I know. I will. I love you."

"I love you too. And I would kiss you now if I wasn't afraid of waking our children."

"Kiss me later then." She smiles at him and closes her eyes.

_Violet_

She is looking for he son but can't find him anywhere. That usually means that he is in his wife's room. So she goes there to look for him. She knocks on the door without getting an answer. But she is sure to hear movement inside so she just opens the door and what she sees takes her breath away.

Her son, his obviously pregnant wife and their children are all fast asleep on the bed. Even in his sleep, her son looks happy. His left hand rests on Sam and Cora's right hand rests on Mary in almost the same way. She is happy beyond words that her son has finally found love in that American girl.

* * *

_Mary_

It is very late on Christmas Eve but she can't sleep and so she gets up again and walks towards the gallery. The lights on the tree are left on even at night and no matter how often she has seen the tree, it always fascinates her. And the look from the gallery is magnificent. When she looks down she sees her parents dancing in front of the tree. Although she can't hear him, she is sure that her father is humming a melody for them to keep them in time. She watches them for a while and as usual they eventually move out of a more or less correct dancing position to just warp their arms around each other and as always her mother puts her head on her father's shoulder. She knows that she is watching a very intimate moment between her parents but it somehow never feels like spying when she watches them dance. It makes her feel like home.

"They love each other very much, don't they?"

"Matthew, you startled me."

"I am sorry Mary."

"I suppose you couldn't sleep either."

"No. I don't sleep well in a bed that is not my own. But it was so kind of your parents to offer my mother and me to stay at the Abbey for the holidays that I couldn't decline. Maybe I'll get used to the bed."

"The first time I saw them dance like that was when I was three. It was in the very early hours of Christmas morning. It is one of the earliest and happiest memories of my childhood. I have never seen so much love anywhere else."

"What they have is very special."

"Yes. And I want that too."

"Mary, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How is it possible that you have a brother but that he is not your father's heir?" She expected him to ask that question a lot sooner.

"Because he is the Duke of Suffolk. He can't be the Earl of Grantham as well."

"Why is your brother a duke and your father an earl?"

"How long have you been asking yourself that question?"

"For the past 8 months. So ever since the day I met your father and he explained to me that I was his heir. He only said that his son couldn't inherit because Sam already held a higher title than himself. I asked my mother about it but she couldn't give me an answer. Then I asked Sam but he told me that you knew the story much better."

"He knows it very well too, but I actually remember some parts of it. Sam was still too small to remember any of it."

"Will you tell me?"

"Matthew, I don't like to talk about it."

"Please Mary. I am to be head of this family one day. Hopefully not for several decades but it is coming my way. And I'd like to know why I take precedent over your brother, your father's son, in that."

"You are not taking precedent over my father's son because my father doesn't have a son."

"What? How is that possible? Sam"

"Sam is the son of the late Duke and former Duchess of Suffolk. The Duke died before Sam was born, which is why Sam has been a duke himself all his life. The former Duchess is now of course the Countess of Grantham."

"Which must mean that she is not your mother."

"She is my mother just as much as my father is Sam's father, which means that she is my mother to all intents and purposes. But no, from an, I suppose biological point of view for a lack of a better word, she is not my mother."

"So your biological mother is dead."

"No. Not as far as I know anyway. My father divorced her after she stayed with her lover at Grantham house. But that wasn't the only reason. She was a horrible wife and an even worse mother. I remember always being afraid. I only ever talked to my father. The first person I ever talked to that was not my father was Cora. My father's first wife invited her to a house party here. Sam was only three months old then and Mama brought him here. She keeps telling a story about how she found me in Sam's room looking into his crib. I don't remember it though. My parents fell in love during the months following that party and then got married about six weeks after my father's divorce. Granny was afraid that it would cause a major scandal but it didn't, not really."

"But I thought your parents met during your mother's first season in London."

"They did. But they didn't get married then. Something about Granny and Mama's father intervening. Papa had considered proposing to Mama then and she would have said yes but it didn't happen. Not then anyway. So they have had a rather complicated start. But they have been blissfully happy ever since Papa finally did propose. I remember the proposal. We all watched. Aunt Rosamund was supposed to keep us out of the entrance hall but instead she sent us all into the entrance hall. I didn't really understand what getting married meant at that time but I knew that it meant that I'd finally have a father and a mother. Although according to Mama it took me another six months to finally call her Mama. I don't know why that was though because it made me so happy that she and Papa got married. The only person who was even happier about it than me was my father. And he still is so very happy. And so is she. Look at them."

Her parents are kissing now. Not in a way that shouldn't be watched but in a way that shows their deep love for one another.

"That is the kind of marriage you are looking for."

"Yes. But I don't think that it is likely that I will ever find it."

"Why not?"

"Because marriages like that are very rare."

"Maybe they are not as rare as you think. Maybe you can find a love like that somewhere you don't expect to find it. Look around yourself carefully, Mary."

She knows this is not what Matthew meant but she really looks around herself now and her eyes come to rest on him. She sees the smile on his face and his deep blue eyes and she wonders if she hasn't done exactly what he meant. And whether he knew what would happen to her insides when she finally rested her eyes on him. She stops wondering when Matthew's lips meet hers.

_Cora_

She sees movement out of the corner of her eyes and looks up to the gallery. She expects to see Mary there because she knows that Mary likes to watch her and Robert dance. Her eldest daughter once told her that it made her 'feel like home'. Mary really is on the gallery but not by herself and she is certainly not watching anyone dance. She is kissing Matthew instead.

Cora puts her head back on Robert's shoulder. "How do we get your mother to stop making suggestions concerning Mary's and Sam's potential partners in marriage?"

"I have to talk to her. I know she is trying to push both of them into what she calls the 'right direction'. But we cannot accept that. Sam will most likely have to marry 'beneath him' as my mother would say. It is impossible for him to make an advantageous match, unless he were to marry a princess of course, but somehow I doubt it. That's not him."

"No. I don't think he has ever thought about marriage."

"He has. He told me so, or rather asked me about it."

"What did he want to know?"

"Whether I thought that he would have to leave here and go to his own estate as soon as he turned 21 or whether he could wait with that until he was married. I told him to wait until he was married, to which he answered that he wouldn't get married before he was thirty then. I told him to not get married before he had fallen in love."

"I wonder what she will be like, the woman he will eventually marry."

"I don't know, we just have to wait and see. But I don't care who she is as long as she makes him happy. And the same goes for our three girls. I really don't care as long as they are happy and in love."

"Even if they were to marry someone with a job."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's say one of the girls wanted to marry a lawyer."

"What?"

"Robert, look at the gallery."

"That would be more than we could ever have wished for."

"Yes. Let's go to bed."

"And leave them like that?"

"I think that would be best. If we stayed and they saw us watching, they'd feel pressured."

"You are right. Let me take you to bed, darling." She smiles at this, kisses him and then lets her husband lead her away.

They walk up the stairs hand in hand as they have done almost every night for the past 17 years.

* * *

AN: This is it. Thank you so much for your support and the many reviews! I am very glad that so many of you liked this story.

I will start to post companion pieces to this story tomorrow, but they will be published in irregular intervals.

Thank you so much again,

Kat


End file.
